City Iowa Press Citizen 09-05-06 How busy families cope 'You do what you have to do' By Rob Daniel Iowa City Press-Citizen Ronda Smith has her hands full, and she expects them to get fuller soon. Her two nephews, Quinton and Cameron Tucker, have football practice after school. Her oldest son, Aaron Kimber Jr., 9, a Wood Elementary fourth-grader, will begin playing flag football this month. Her daughter, Tiara Kimber, 11, a Wood Elementary sixth-grader, is in Girl Scouts and plays violin in an orchestra. Her youngest son, 5-year-old Malik Kimber, started kindergarten recently at Wood Elementary. Smith is responsible for making sure they get to and from all of their activities and school while maintaining a job as the director of housekeeping at the Sheraton in downtown Iowa City. "I leave work, pick up the kids," Smith said. "You do what you have to do. That's it." Smith is among the countless parents who struggle to get their children to activities spread out across the area. According to Kristi Cooper, a family life specialist with Iowa State University Extension in Linn County, Iowa is ranked first in the nation in the number of children in families with both parents working. With children having more choices in activities and the stress of keeping up with the family next door, Cooper said many families feel more hurried than ever before. "Parents feel guilty if everybody else is doing it," she said. "Families are in information overload. Technology has not saved them time." Mike Shear and Patti Williams of Iowa City are among the hurried families. Their oldest son, Marty Shear, 14, is a West High freshman who plays basketball and works out. Their other son, Harley Spear, 10, is a Weber Elementary fifth-grader who is now playing football and looking ahead to fall baseball tryouts and basketball camp with former University of Iowa star Acie Earl. "There are two of us, so we go in different directions," said Williams of the couple's plan of getting their sons to their activities. "It's very hard to plan any family dinner. It's almost impossible."
Parents have to monitor their family's "craziness level" to make sure their children are not overloaded with so many activities that it is affecting other areas of their lives, Cooper said. It is important to get the children's feedback as well, she said. A good time to get the feedback could be during the drive to and from the activity, she said. "Use that time to establish some family rituals," Cooper said. "You've got time to offer encouragement. Make that time special. "If the kids are irritable and too tired to focus on things, maybe that's a sign that things are too crazy," she said. Families also can make use of friends and families who have children in the same activity to help with commutes. Theresa Hiland of North Liberty said she regularly use carpools with friends to help sons Al and Klayton, who are West High students, and daughter Ellie, an eighth-grader at North Central Junior High, get to activities. This year, Al Hiland, 17 and a senior, is able to drive to and from school and other places, allowing Theresa Hiland to have dinner on the table before they get home. "That's been the saving grace since he'll pick up children," Theresa Hiland said. "(Before), I had several friends who had similar things. It was important to have the network of other parents to make it work." While she has several neighbors with children in the same activities, Patti Williams said the hurried lifestyle is the norm nowadays. "It's kind of the way of the world now," she said. "If (the kids) don't get involved now, they couldn't (later). There's too much competition. But the kids are having fun." Reach Rob Daniel at 339-7360 or [e-mail]. Source: Iowa State University Extension family life specialist Kristi Cooper.