Hood Merrell Spring LR Midterm Stand Outside Yourself and Describe What You See
I've heard that college is the place where you find yourself. Maybe not totally realize all that you are and you stand for--this is a lifelong process, but more like a general direction, a vague outline. But, I feel the further I go into college, the fuzzier my image of myself is. Now, this undefined me is probably smarter, more open-minded, and wiser than the clear-cut version of my old self, but at least I used to be able to see the sharp outline of the mold I fit into. In the book of Matthew, Jesus says, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it," (16:25, NIV). I don't want to get into religious discussions, rather, this verse simply made me think. Maybe I must lose the image of who I am to find it. I have to "start from scratch." In our course anthology, Ram Dass says that "any model of the self, positive or negative, will limit our capacity to help" (72). So, maybe I should think of this change as losing the image of myself that hinders me. "As we lighten our attachment to self-image, we find a different vantage point from which to observe who we are" (Dass, 73). I understand what advantages a new perspective will allow, but I find it difficult to go through life without a "self-image"--something to hold myself accountable to. But Dass says that "we don't have to be anybody in particular" (73) how? I wrote my goals for this class two months ago. Since I feel like I am coming farther and farther away from knowing who I am, I probably had a clearer idea then. It will be good to look at them and see what even two months has done.
1. Well, I opened up my goals and conveniently enough, my first goal is "to know thyself." I wrote that I want to find things in myself to I already enjoy and expand upon them. I'm glad I re-read that. "What do you enjoy doing?" is a hard question for me to answer. One answer to this question has little to do with World
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Literature, but is something I worked on over Spring Break. Even though the things that make me "thyself" may not have to do with literature, this class has been the push for me to discover more about who I am, as well as who I want to be. Hoping to move onto a goal more World Literature related and easier to evaluate, I am disappointed to come onto, "to have a `better awareness of the world beyond our ego'." On the ride back to Austin yesterday, my friend Kelly and I were talking about outer-space and planets. We were trying to figure out whether the horizon looks further off on big planets like Saturn, and closer on smaller ones like Pluto. Thinking about the vastness of the universe, or even just our planet, really makes me see how small I am and how the things I worry about are so insignificant in the larger scheme of things. But, there is something...beautiful? funny? human? about thinking about the huge planet and the billions of peoples thousands of little worries. In this goal I say I want to get involved with more volunteer work. I haven't. I should. My mom always says that the best way to get over feeling sad or sorry for yourself is to think about someone else. I've really noticed this to be true is the last few weeks--not necessarily with myself, but from watching other people. ones The who seem unhappy or disappointed with their life never go out of their way to help anyone else with theirs. I hope I can keep this in mind. My third goal is "to expand my sense of place" by creating a second home in Austin. This, I think, will just take more time. Austin is fine, but it isn't home. It isn't my city. As I am writing this, I laugh. I know that when I graduate and come back to Austin, it will be a home. I will remember fun times, good friends, and tiny personal victories and feel the "quencinera" in Austin. As much as I tell myself to make Austin a second home, I don't feel it. Sometimes though, if you tell yourself something enough, you can trick yourself. To "learn to think for ourselves, decreasing reliance of secondary sources". Okay, I am horrible with this one. I went on a mock interview over Spring Break for one of my classes. Before I went, I was thinking about answers for some of the questions with my mom. We were talking about strengths/weaknesses. She said that one of her qualities, whether it be a strength or a weakness, was the need for constant stimulation. She needs inspiration all the time to get her mind going. I pretty much forgot about her saying this until just now when I read this goal about learning to think for ourselves. I've decided, this is no longer one of my goals. I congratulate the people who can work without "reliance of secondary sources", but I can't. Things I use for inspirations get me excited and passionate about what I am going to do. They are what start my thought process. My last goal from January is "to improve upon my technical writing skills." In one of my classes, my professor kicks our butt for misplaced commas and other grammar mistakes. My first assignment in that class, I failed. After that one, I began sending my assignments to my grandmother to proofread before I turn them in. The first assignment I sent, my grandmother found plenty of mistakes. Each one after that, she finds less and less. I wrote a tha...