Stages 5 of Me and Her
Barrington Pryce @02521462 COMC 101: Principles of Speech Fall 2009
What constitutes individuals getting to know each other and beginning a relationship? People start relationships by getting to know each other through the introduction of names, scent, the behavior, views, and at this point physical appearance are all first priority when it come to continuing the relationship. There are several steps where an interpersonal relationship can and will go during its course. The five stages of interpersonal relationship will be examined as I tell the story of how my most recent relationship has become one to be analyzed through a lens of these stages. The names of my significant other and I will be changed to secure privacy. It was January 21, 2005. Today was Jacks 17th birthday and one of his friends Miguel, decided to surprise him after school to celebrate. Jack not knowing how his birthday would turn out simply decided to live life to the fullest and went Downtown, Brooklyn with Miguel to meet some friends for a movie. Miguel told him that it was going to be two of their mutual friends. Jack already upset about his girlfriend not wanting to celebrate his birthday with him decided to double date with Miguel since his girlfriend was not worth being faithful to. Jack and Miguel met up with Rana and Jamila. Miguel and Rana who were in an interpersonal relationship started to talk about their situation which left Jack and Jamila to talk about each other. Jack and Jamila knew one another since middle school but never really looked at one another till now. They chatted for some time and reacquainted themselves with one another since they had not seen each other since middle school. The date turned out perfectly, and they realized that they had a lot in common. They exchanged numbers and began to become friends. Their friendship quickly resulted in a romance when Jack asked Jamila to be his girlfriend on February 16, 2005. Several months had passed in which Jack and Jamila had become inseparable. They did everything and went everywhere with one another. They became joined at the hip and even had the same job for awhile. Like all new intimate relationships everything was amazing and exciting. Until one day where Jack slipped up and began talking to his previous girlfriend again. Jack tried to repair his old
relationship with his ex-girlfriend having the idea that he could make them both his girlfriend. Jamila was no fool and quickly realized what was going on ending their relationship. Jack realized that the reason that he was not with his ex-girlfriend because he couldnt trust her or find a reason to stay with someone of her demeanor. Jack quickly came to his senses and ended his relationship and all contact with his ex-girlfriend to win back Jamila. It was Jacks second semester of senior year in high school. He had applied to several schools, all but the one that Jamila was accepted into. Jack decided to apply to Howard University to be close to Jamila to continue the relationship that they had. Within weeks of applying to the prestigious Howard University Jack received his acceptance letter. He knew absolutely nothing about Howard University. It was then August 23, 2006 and Jack was on top of the world. He had just graduated 11th in his class and He was at Howard University with Jamila and nothing could go wrong. Jack become aware of what Howard University really was. The ratio of women to men alone was hard for Jack to overcome mentally. Jack learned that men are gold to the women of Howard University. Jamila soon saw Jack verbalizing with his classmate nothing more than innocent chatter or it may have seemed that way. The year was 2008, Jack and Jamila had decided to co-habitat in a house with some friends. Jamila and Jack had talked about this idea before but never set any boundaries and the relationship began to go downhill. Jamila searched Jacks personal things and always found something to argue about. Jack became sneaky and tried to hide even the littlest things from Jamila. Eventually Jamila found more than she bargained for. Jack had been talking to other girls and Jamila wasnt having that. They strained their relation to its limit and several months went by until they decided to take a break. Jack wasnt sure what that meant but took he it for what it was worth. Jamila had another motive in mind however, she saw this as a way to see if Jack would straighten up and be the perfect man for her. Jack decided to take time out for himself and reflect on what he was missing throughout his collegiate career. Jamila and Jack remained close but were never able to talk about their relationship in its entirety. Jack constantly tries to
repair the relationship but he cant even analyze what went wrong. The relationship between Jack and Jamila is in limbo and they don't know what the future holds for their relationship. The primary stage for all interpersonal relationship is Contact, then follows Involvement, Intimacy, Deterioration then either Repair or Dissolution. At any stage the parties involve can exit. There is not a structured format to interpersonal relationship and these stage dont prescribe how a relationship should be. As for Jack and Jamila relationship, all stage were fulfilled or at least practiced during the course of their relationship. The stage of contact consists of becoming acquainted, first impressions, and a variety of other factors. If two people begin to like each other, continued interactions may lead to the next stage, but acquaintance can continue indefinitely. In the case of Jack and Jamila, their contact was an elongated one. They met back in junior high school but it wasnt until January 2005 almost 3 years later that they progressed to the later stage of contact into involvement. Involvement is the next stage of the interpersonal relationship. During this stage, people begin to trust and care about each other. The need for compatibility and such filtering agents as common background and goals will influence whether or not interaction continues. As for Jack and Jamila, their relationship went through involvement but at an accelerated rate. Jack and Jamila talked over the phone exchanging ideas and thought which was the way to examine compatibility. The more the conversation went on, the more the relationship intensified and led toward physical intimacy. Intimacy is the next stage of interpersonal relationships. This stage follows a mutual commitment to a long term friendship, romantic relationship, or marriage. It is generally a long, relative stable period. Nevertheless, continued growth and development will occur during this time. Mutual trust is important for sustaining the relationship. Even though this stage requires mutual commitment, both partners may not perceive their relationship in the same way. Jack and Jamila felt as though they were compatible and decided to have an interpersonal commitment as well as become an identifiable pair. Jack and Jamila
were seen as one in the same. As mentioned in the story: The year was 2008, Jack and Jamila had decided to co-habitat in a house with some friends, this idea of co-habitation comes from Jack and Jamila idea of building on the social bonding which the public seen them as. Many things can lead to deterioration and deterioration has many effects on the relationship. Not all relationships deteriorate, but those that do, tend to show signs of trouble. Boredom, resentment, and dissatisfaction may occur, and individuals may communicate less and avoid self-disclosure. Loss of trust and betrayals may take place as the downward spiral continues. Jack and Jamilas relationship led to deterioration because of Jacks deception and because the relationship failure, the deception increased between both parties. Jack began to withdraw from the relationship and started to create other miniature relationship with other women and because of that issue the relationship between Jack and Jamila broke down even more. Only two options are still possible for Jack and Jamilas relationship as this point. They can either repair the relationship or dissolution. These two are the fifth stages of interpersonal relationships. At the repair stage you first engage in intrapersonal repair, analyzing for one's self what went wrong and perhaps what you can do to set things right; later you may engage in interpersonal repair, where you and your partner consider ways to mend your deteriorating relationships. The other option is dissolution which is the separation of yourself from your partner and later perhaps separate socially and publicly.