Entry
Jeff Journal Mabry
This morning I killed Hermine; there is no concealing the fact I am a
Beast. She looked in wonder as I removed the knife from her chest and blood
spilled from her dying body into a pool upon the floor. Those curious eyes gazed
upon me as I watched my love die. Her last glimpse into this world was upon my
cold distant face. Hermines eyes rest sealed forever with the last fleeting images
of her murderer and lover: I, the Steppenwolf. Was this not what she wished?
Did Hermine not want this gift from me? Thos mysterious eyes of wonder have
stirred question with myself, was this an act of mounting jealousy towards my
friend Pablo? Am I envious of the charming and beautiful saxophonist whom
lives life escaped from the constraints that haunt my very essence? I believe there
to be truth behind this, Pablo is worthy of envy surely yet this is shadowed by a
darker emotion from within me. My desire to fulfill my destined course: To exist
in these unsophisticated times with the bourgeois and their jazz, with the loss of
interest of the great intellectuals of the past, to be possessed by two halves
waging war within a single body and mind. To despise my past and self loathe
until I remove myself from this inadequate world and rejoice once accompanying
the immortals This above. is my destiny. Here I am mere hours preceding the
murder of my love and still I indulge with thoughts of only myself and how life
has been unfair to Me. Hermines death should be of my greatest concerns, I
must believe she wanted this. For the sake of the little Sanity I still posses within
this corrupt mind. This was destined; she knew of it and did nothing to prevent it.
Hermine: always knowing my needs and wants, continuously predicting my next
move before it was ever revealed to me. She was my mentor, my love, and friend;
she tamed the Steppenwolf within and lulled him into submission. Hermine
taught me to dance, love, and Laugh above all else. She had set me free of the
demons that haunted my mind and soul for countless eons. Simple laughter was
Hermines remedy for my illness. With the laughter we shared came happiness;
joyful innocence I had not felt since early childhood were the restraints of my
conscious had not yet taken hold and I was Free. She taught me everything a
child knows yet I did not and gave me many gifts throughout our time together. I
received the gift of lust with Maria, the gift of laughter with Pablo, the gift of
love with Hermine, and her final gift of Rebirth. This final gift of life, the taking
of hers to complete mine
-Harry Haller