ENGL WEEK 6 DISCUSSION 9 .docx - Initial Post Conduct a...

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Initial Post: Conduct a close reading of both versions of the "Declaration of Independence" from your reading this week. Then choose three instances where Jefferson changed the language. Explain for each instance why you think he did so. Be specific. Consider what you learned from In Conversation this week about revision. Response to classmates: Build upon what your classmates provided as evidence. What other aspects of the change in language make it better, or worse? Is there something they missed? Your initial post is due by 11:59 pm CT on Thursday, and your response posts are due by 11:59 pm CT on Sunday. For this week's post, you must consult your text for what a close read is. Follow their examples, and do exactly the same when you perform the close read on a section of both examples of the "Declaration of Independence." Here is a student example: Thomas Jefferson changed the language of the “Declaration of Independence” multiple times throughout the document. I believe Mr. Jefferson used a different type of speech in certain sentences. For example, he used words to make the document sound more unified and together as well as professional. One simple change of word(s) and automatically the document sounds more formal. The declaration was also written to the point. I believe that he made sure that everything stated in the document was written to get it done 100%. 1 st draft – “We hold these truths to be sacred and undeniable, that all men are created equal and independent, that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent and inalienable, which are the preservation of Life & Liberty, & the spirit of Happiness; that to secure these ends.” Final - “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator, with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Liberty, Life, and the pursuit of Happiness. "He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes, and conditions (Jefferson 198)." This was a far better formatted statement than what was originally said. Not only was this statement better formatted, but it showed a clear reasoning of what he meant. I think that the change in language of the

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