Compare - Chantel Wynter ENG 201 Barbara Cole Assignment #...

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Unformatted text preview: Chantel Wynter ENG 201 Barbara Cole Assignment # 5 Miss America Pageant: Conforming Instead of Reforming Miss America, the idea of what the typical American woman: or is it? The For a long time now Vague? Vague? Be careful! Woma n = 1 female Wome n = 2 or more females Vague? Vague? Vague? See above Sentence length? Could you slow down and explain this point more clearly? Explain more clearly? Im afraid that there is not really a clearly-defined thesis in your introduction. SEE FINAL PARAGRAPH! Maybe try expressing your thesis according to the although / in fact model we looked at earlier this semester: Although it may seem that ________________________ in fact _________________________________. Avoid first person can you express this in 3 rd person? What does this chart PROVE? What are you trying to prove to your reader? Without a CLEAR THESIS, Im afraid that its difficult to understand WHY this information is significant. Read out loud sentence length? Clarity? Please remember that EVERY sentence which contains ANY outside information / research MUST be documented otherwise, you are guilty of plagiarism! Unclear sentence? Sentence length? Could THIS idea be your thesis?!? ?? Almost all quotation where is YOUR ANALYSIS? ANALYSIS? Paragraph length? Could THIS be your thesis?!? the Miss America Pageant is based on choosing that one woman who represents the quality of what America is about hence the title Miss America. Although this may be so there are still questions as to whether these women are being subjected to the conformities of becoming that typical American woman that are set by the pageant has been controversial regarding its purpose for existenceVague? Vague? Be careful! Woma n = 1 female Wome n = 2 or more females Vague? Vague? Vague? See above Sentence length? Could you slow down and explain this point more clearly? Explain more clearly? Im afraid that there is not really a clearly-defined thesis in your introduction. SEE FINAL PARAGRAPH! Maybe try expressing your thesis according to the although / in fact model we looked at earlier this semester: Although it may seem that ________________________ in fact _________________________________. Avoid first person can you express this in 3 rd person? What does this chart PROVE? What are you trying to prove to your reader? Without a CLEAR THESIS, Im afraid that its difficult to understand WHY this information is significant. Read out loud sentence length? Clarity? Please remember that EVERY sentence which contains ANY outside information / research MUST be documented otherwise, you are guilty of plagiarism! Unclear sentence? Sentence length?...
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Compare - Chantel Wynter ENG 201 Barbara Cole Assignment #...

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