biology journals - January 7, 2007 I've been thinking a lot...

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January 7, 2007 I've been thinking a lot lately that I need to pay more attention to this journal, for my own sake. I do like to write, and I've let my journaling muscles lapse these past months. I'm going to try to write more, not just "this is what is happening on OD" entries, but real stuff - hopefully, I'll keep it up. Maybe it’s my age, but I’ve also been thinking a lot about the ways people view their world, and how they frame their perception of human society in a container constructed out of their own beliefs. It fascinates me how different people and different cultures can see the same world in so many different ways.
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January 10, 2007 I’ve never understood people who think the universe should function exclusively by their own set of rules, believing that all people and cultures should be subject to the constraints of their personal belief system. Who’s to say which set of beliefs is right, and which is wrong? Humanity has been on this earth for many thousands of years – and hundreds and thousands of belief systems have come and gone in that time. I don’t understand how any person can justify saying that their beliefs are true, and that all the others are wrong. Maybe they're all wrong - or maybe they're all right - I don't know.
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January 12, 2007 One of the base tenets of Open Diary has always been that we should respect each other’s values and beliefs – whether we buy into them or not. That concept is based in my own personal feelings – I think above all else, people should be able to be comfortable in their beliefs and not have to worry about being put down for them. This is not something new – I haven’t suddenly gone hippie or anything, it’s just a belief I have always held.
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January 14, 2007 I'm begging my brain to stop these depressing thoughts. I can't take it anymore. I can't stand to be in pain and suffer from my mental illness. It's hurting me so much that I curled up on my bed this morning and broke down. Crying for million reasons. This crucial pain is eating me alive. I can't fight it anymore, maybe I'm better off all drugged up and feel like a zombie again. I'm trying to suppress these problems running in my head. ..I want to stop thinking. I can't even enjoy a simple outing like clubbing, I went out with my coworkers yesterday and it was a Latin Night theme. I hated the music, the crowd was much older and I ended up sitting in the corner resting my feet, and Cristos sat down next to me and bought me a drink. I was so bored out of my mind that i text message Kenneth. I felt so empty and lonely-the classical symptoms of BPD. I hated to feel this way but I can't help it anymore, every single problem is surfacing again, floating on the surface going nowhere. Like me, I am going nowhere and there's nowhere to go. I don't have anymore adjectif to describe how I feel, I can't aquire a richer vocabulary to express my pain. All I know is, I break down too often for no particular reason. Maybe fate is making me to hate my life, for placing every single important person in my life far
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This note was uploaded on 04/18/2008 for the course CELL BIO - taught by Professor - during the Spring '08 term at Miss. College.

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biology journals - January 7, 2007 I've been thinking a lot...

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