Intimate Relations Part 3- Jan 27th - Narratives Intimate Relations Part II Theorizing Mating and Mate Selection-lecture 25 Sybil(MBA and Business

Intimate Relations Part 3- Jan 27th - Narratives Intimate...

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Narratives- Intimate Relations Part II: Theorizing Mating and Mate Selection-lecture 25Sybil (MBA and Business Manager) is dating out of the community and points out that it is very difficult keeping it a secret from the family: “It does add tension to my life, I have to be careful who I tell… it becomes a question of who I have told, who knows, who do I need to keep it a secret from. It makes it hard…my parents did the “add” thing [placing matrimonial advertisement in Indian newspaper] … I just wasn’t interested. I just do it to get them of my back to make it feel like they are actually contributing to this. Because they feel such a sense of responsibility for getting me married.” o Deceptions and lies – important for maintaining good girls imageAll girls interviewed admitted to mying and keeping secrets from parents – coping strategy when dealing with pressures from parents and community to date within the communityo Important to famileies to have a good standing within the communityo As well – idea that if you marry within your community – maintain distinctiono She recognizes she is being unfair to her parentso Its because they have unreal expectations• Mary comments: o“now that I am turning 29 and there are no prospects in sight I think they are more open to it [marrying out]”. Salima (31) reflects on the diferences in the marriage patterns between the boys in her cohort and girls. • “I find the guys are a lot more specific about religion for example. They do want a Christian They want to raise their kids traditionally…have kids, go to church… […] more so than the girls I know”• [Do you findthen that the guys you grew up with married within the community?]•“Um…yeah I am finding that more of the guys are marrying within the community than the girls. A lot of the girls are not marrying within the community.”• [Why do you think that?] •“I think for the same reason that the guys are looking for more traditional girls, and the girls are looking for more different things and the girls are finding this in other communities.” o Salima o – gender dimension of marriage: guys are more specific about religiono Reason guys are looking for more traditional girls but the girls aren’t able to fulfill these expectations

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