Revision Paper - Spencer A. Stewart English 101 : Section...

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Spencer A. Stewart English 101 : Section 155 07 December 2007 Jacob Witt Brace Yourself The purpose of the English 101 course is to force students from the notion that a good paper comes in a five paragraph format and teach them how to write successful college papers. At the beginning of this course, I possessed that mentality and it showed in my first essays. My early essays lacked clarity, structure, smooth transitions, introductions, and conclusions. It is for these reasons that I chose to revise was second essay, which was written as an analysis of Anzaldua’s essay, The Homeland, Aztlán/ El Otro Mexico. By revising my previous essay, I managed to write an essay that surpassed its predecessor. I accomplished this by expanding on my introduction and conclusion, re-writing transitions, incorporating commas to enhance the clarity of my sentences, and eliminating to-be verbs to accomplish a less passive voice. The introduction of my previous essay lacked structure, clarity, and a preview. The paragraph felt forced and lacked flow between sentences. “In her essay, The Homeland, Aztlán/ El Otro Mexico, Anzaldua refuses to acknowledge pertinent facts that discredit her claims. Another aspect that harms Anzaldua’s writing is her unrelenting bias toward Mexicans. At times Anzaldua deliberately misleads readers in an effort to further her argument. During her essay Anzaldua also uses powerful diction without supporting facts making her an unreliable author. Through the implementation of these techniques, Anzaldua fails to convince readers to re-evaluate their opinions of the U.S. / Mexico border.” (Essay 2) The lack of clarity present in this paragraph contributed to its failure to convey to the reader the intent of my essay. This paragraph, also, lacks an adequate attention getter and launches directly
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into statement that could be construed as a rant. I corrected these flaws by completely re-writing my introductory paragraph. I also included an attention getter and revised the structure of the paragraph to enhance the sentence flow and ease the reader into my thesis statement. “The American border with Mexico has always been a controversial subject. Mexico made attempts to contest their border with Texas and their rights to that land in 1835 and continue to argue its validity today. Anzaldua shares this sentiment and writes about her beliefs that the Southwest United States rightfully belongs to the Mexican people in her essay, The Homeland, Aztlán/ El Otro Mexico . Anzaldua’s claim is hindered by her passion for the subject and it leads her to make arguments that become difficult to support without sharing her perspective of the border. Throughout her essay, Anzaldua fails to convince readers to re-evaluate their opinions of the U.S. / Mexico border. Anzaldua loses readers through her use of a one-sided fabrication of
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Revision Paper - Spencer A. Stewart English 101 : Section...

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