communication journal entries 2

communication journal entries 2 - Yesterday I was riding...

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Yesterday I was riding along in the car with my parents, and for some reason or another my dad was in a bad mood. Whenever he’s in a bad mood, he gets extremely defensive and easily agitated. My mom knows that he’s like this, she’s been married to the man for 20 years, so she has to know, right? You certainly wouldn’t think so by the way she completely disregards the way he always reacts when he’s in a bad mood. She started bothering him about calling his sister-in-law about what we needed to bring for thanksgiving dinner. It was 11:00 at night, so he simply told her that he would call her in the morning. I guess he did sound kind of defensive, but he was in a bad mood, so what did she expect? Instead of just letting it go, she then got overly defensive saying in a loud accusing tone “Well, honey, I told you to ask her a week ago and you didn’t do that, did you?! Now Thanksgiving is three days away and I still have no flipping idea what I’m supposed to be taking to their house! I have two jobs, and have to run the kids around everywhere, and don’t have time to wait on you to call Sue!” This tone of voice and choice of words probably were not the best. My dad can be very sensitive, and he gets upset about things just like she does, but he never jumps down her throat like she does to him. If she had told me that, I would have told her that if she was so concerned about it she could call Sue herself. The point is, that at times my mother has no idea how to speak to my dad. She could have said all that in a much nicer way, that wouldn’t have upset him even more.
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“If a square peg doesn’t fit a round hole, neither the peg nor the hole is to blame. Between two people, the question "whose fault is it?" is the friend of argumentation and the destroyer of growth-oriented communication. Assigning blame involves listening to criticize and responding to defend, speaking to lower the other person rather than speaking to build each up. Relational progress is impossible as long as blame is the focus because blame and progress are enemies. In our litigation-hungry society we must take care that focusing on fault - which is proper for the courtroom - doesn’t carry over into interpersonal relationships. The heart of loving communication is listening to understand.” -Jeffrey Bryant quotes (American b.1965) My friend Hector has grandparents that fight about everything. They constantly blame one another for why things go wrong, and seem to be very bitter towards one another. Hector said that over the years, they’ve nagged, blamed, and pointed fingers at one another so often that they don’t even seem to love each other anymore. They don’t sleep in the same bed anymore, they don’t tell each other that they love one another, and they really just don’t talk to each other anymore unless they’re yelling at the other about something. I NEVER want to be this way if I marry someone. I want to have a
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This note was uploaded on 04/27/2008 for the course COMMUNICAT 101 taught by Professor Simmons during the Spring '08 term at KCTCS.

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communication journal entries 2 - Yesterday I was riding...

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