Dating 101 - Dating 101 Everything You Know About Affairs...

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Dating 101: Everything You Know About Affairs Is Wrong Infidelity myths debunked by relationship researchers By Dana Hudepohl for Redbook Updated: Dec 19, 2008 RATING THIS ARTICLE Average (186 votes) Rate it: TOOLS Email Article Printable View Add to del.icio.us Add to Digg "Once a cheater, always a cheater." "People cheat when they're unhappy at home." "If your mate cheats, you'll know." We've all heard these bits of conventional wisdom; they're comforting, in a strange way. But they're all wrong, say the experts who study infidelity. What's worse, believing these myths can do a lot of harm, because it gets in the way of your preventing, spotting, and recovering from infidelity. (Yes, recovering -- contrary to popular belief, an affair doesn't have to destroy a relationship.) We've unraveled the latest research so you can protect your relationship with the facts. More Dating Articles from Redbook: Five Things Super Happy Couples Do Every Day Would You Know If Your Man Cheated? Myth #1: There's a "cheater" profile. The reality: With the right trigger circumstances, anyone is susceptible to cheating. "There are as many different profiles as there are people who have affairs," says Douglas Snyder, Ph.D., a couples therapist and a professor of psychology at Texas A and M University. Yet the myth persists that there's a recognizable "type" of person who's unfaithful. That's why it took Linda Mitchell, 43, a personal trainer in Monroe, OH, by
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such surprise when she found out her first mate was having an affair. "He never did anything to lead me to think he would cheat," she says. "He'd bring me flowers, tell me how beautiful I was and what a great partner I was." While some people are chronic philanderers, it's more common to unintentionally wind up in an affair. "People who have accidental affairs have no thoughts of being unfaithful," says Snyder. "It's not even consistent with their values system, but the opportunity presents itself." Maybe a coworker hits on you during a business trip when you're stressed, or your cute handyman compliments you when you're getting over a fight with your mate. "Here's the best way to prevent affairs: Rather than saying, 'We will never have one,' instead think of the kind of person, situation and mood that would make you vulnerable," says Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., a marital therapist and author of " Getting It Right This Time: How to Create a Loving and Lasting Marriage ." Maybe you're so nurturing that
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