Dating 101: Seven Things No One Tells You About Marriage
The surprising, enlightening, and sometimes hard truths married folks all face -- and how
they teach us about what love really means.
Ylonda Gault Caviness for Redbook
Updated: Dec 22, 2008
You're smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it:
Somewhere deep in your
subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images
may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride
and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.
In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven
horror flick -- and you're the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life.
I've been there. Let's face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe
your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain't always
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That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of
marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of
love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and
pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.
1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy -- your soul mate
-- you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize
that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In
fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the
first place. You think to yourself, "This is so not what I signed up for."
Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming
wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the
Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in
only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a
daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make
you want to run for the hills. That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even
a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that