How to Get an ‘A’ at Cornell University So you’ve just graduated high school eh? All excited about Cornell. Expecting A’s. That’s great. It isn’t easy, but with a few secrets, you should be able to finagle a few A’s here and there. The first thing you need to do is assume you’re always right. If you believe this enough, you can get that Nobel-prize winning professor to believe that he’s wrong and you’re right! And whatever you do, never doubt yourself on an exam. Keep your original answer, even if 1+1 suddenly is 3. There must have been some hidden insight when you wrote that down, right? The next thing you need to do is get rid of all the smarter folks. They’re easy to pick out…sit up front and in the center, talk obsessively, and when turning in their homework, they’re never comparing answers with people at the last minute. So how do you get rid of these holier-than-thou people? First try poison. Inserting poison into food that already tastes a bit iffy is your best bet, so snag them while they’re at the dining hall. When they aren’t looking, put a few drops of poison (how to obtain poison is in a
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