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SCANTRON FORM NO. UCD 2000
Please read these instructions:
1) Do not start the test until instructed to do so.
These instructions, of course, are not actually part of the test, so
you can go ahead and read them.
I mean, they are sort-of part of the test, but not the important part.
.. I mean,
OK, so they are like,
, but not, like, test
(We apologize for the previous segue into Valley speak, those responsible for this have been sacked.)
2) While you are waiting, fill in the following on your
- Write your name in the box labeled
(...am I going too fast for anybody?)
- Put your student ID number in the ID number box
- Fill in the bubbles corresponding to the digits in your ID number
- Fill in the bubble for
3) Be sure to close all backpacks/briefcases, remove all material except this test and the scantron (and, of
course, pencil and eraser) from your desk, and if you want to wear a hat, turn it backwards (scientific research
has shown that the presence of a hat causes a slight, but statistically significant reduction in blood flow to the
brain, which may reduce your exam performance; but in a recent interview with Jerry Springer, a reliable
source has claimed that turning the hat backwards will actually enhance the flow of positive cosmic forces to
your brain, more than compensating for any negative effect, and this is our basis for requiring this orientation)
This final will account for 27% of your class grade.
All the questions are multiple guess (.
..ah, I mean,
), and are worth 1 point each.
The “gripe sheet” at the end of the test
is not just for any kind of gripes, but if there is any question which
you think is not clear, and want to explain your reasoning for the answer(s) that you chose, then this is the place
to do it.
If you have gripes, fill in your name at the top of the gripe sheet, and hand it in along with your
If we think your interpretation of the question and your answer to it are valid, then you will get
We suggest that you mark your answers on both the test and the scantron, and keep the test for your records.
You should keep the test because we will be sending out the correct answers via email right after the exam, and
you can check your answers against that, and also, you never know.
You could become a famous scientist some
day, and as part of your memorabilia, an old botany test
be worth something.
... OK, so it’s a long shot.
By this point, you probably won’t be reading this first page anymore, since you think you know what it says
already, and besides that, you are probably as tired of the jokes as we are.
So, OK, the jokes haven’t changed
that much, but it’s hard to come up with new jokes all the time,
keep up with the class material, so we just
have to let something slide, which is of course, the class material.
Anyway, we just wanted to let you know that