Gen-Y_EDIT.docx - Speaking for those of us born under the Generation Y umbrella(cut the semi-colon It doesnt belong in your opening sentence the product

Gen-Y_EDIT.docx - Speaking for those of us born under the...

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Speaking for those of us born under the Generation Y umbrella, (cut the semi-colon. It doesn’t belong in your opening sentence) the product of over-worked, baby-boomer parents, who raised us in broken homes ( this is a generalization and doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone…be careful in making broad, sweeping statements without supporting evidence) during a falling economy, school, nowadays, isn't exactly how it was for our parents or, especially not, our grandparents. The expectations we face as college students are socially and academically different in many ways, due, naturally, to time and technological expansions. (I say "expansion" as opposed to "advancements" because "advancements" would indicate a "bettering" of our lives, which is only true to an extent.) Many of us do not have memories of life before the internet or cell phones. (I don’t think you need this sentence) While our parents may see these (the cell phone and internet) as tools in getting through school quicker and more efficiently, what they are forgetting is how new technologies have distorted patterns of communication while creating new, higher expectations of our success. In the past, saying you had a bachelor's degree was like saying you could walk on water. Now, having a bachelor's degree is like saying you graduated high school. This is by no means to say getting a bachelor's degree is an easy feat and that anyone should be able to can do it. No ( Quite the contrary). just getting into a university is more competitive than ever and the amount of time it takes to graduate has nearly doubled. For many, college is one of the most difficult periods of their lives. However, for Generation Y, attending college straight out of high school is a pre-meditated decision built into society. With x amount of students and an asymptote of university courses, the ratio of students to professors is becoming greater and greater (I see what you’re trying to say, but its a bit confusing. Consider using the phrases “greater
number of students” and “fewer number of university courses”, and “the ratio between students to professors is becoming more and more disproportionate”). If we continue at this rate, the only way to keep up with the times is to seek other sources of education. ( I would consider transitioning into a new paragraph here…you have a solid introduction, which outlines some of the key issues. But make sure you have a clear, unified thesis that frames the argument for the rest of the paper…to me, it seems like the last two sentences are your main points, which could serve as a potential thesis. Try to think of a thesis statement as an argument that you’re trying to prove; take a clear stance that makes a strong, affirmative statement that you can back up and support with evidence NEW PARAGRAPH:

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