Final Lecture Notes - March 22, 2007 Pick-Ups I. Stages a....

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March 22, 2007 Pick-Ups I. Stages a. Asses Qualifiers i. See if they are qualified for dating 1. Extraordinary- making someone distinct positively for qualifications; everyone knows about it/ not everyone has (Ex.: Wearing an Olympic medal) 2. Esoteric- something very few people have, its positive, but few knew about it (Ex.: Croatian poetry) b. Asses Availability i. Herd mentality: must make yourself available ii. See if they are available c. Find an Opener (pick-up line) 1. Innocuous pick : a service pick-up; just happen to be here when you are here, not intentionally - “Do you know what time it is?” 2. Flippant: cute or disgusting; random and funny; good sense of humor -“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven” 3. Direct Approach: simple person wants to talk; obvious that the person wants to spend time with you -“Would you like too dance?” d. Find an integrative Topic i. Have to find something to talk about ii. Closed Question: yes or no, brief answer; ice-berg question iii. Open Question: learn more, requires longer answer; requires more talking iv. Empowering questions: ”Why sales down?” vs. “What can we do” e. Present a “come-on” self i. Present only good stuff about yourself; dress up nicely, clean-up, groom f. Schedule a second encounter i. Close the sale; a second meeting: without it nothing will happen 1. Stop negotiating with yourself -“I could never do this…” Love I. Types a. Passionate 1. Altruism- I will do whatever you want “I will do anything for you. ..” 2. Attractiveness- most attractive person in the world, all weirdness is attractive b. Companionate 1. Respect- women who get real serious consider a good father for my kids 2. Congeniality- fun/easy to be around, spend lots of time with them c. Commitment 1. Fidelity- stick with each other 2. Responsibility- feel responsible; somebody who accompanies you places to make sure you are okay o All three happen but in different stages II. Falling in Love- correlates a. Romanticism- unrealistic beliefs about relationship i. “Be in love forever”
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ii. Men think they don’t have to work for Romance, Women think about relationships more b. Love Experiences i. Men fall in love more often; women fall in love deeper c. Partner Idealization i. Girls idealize about things longer “making perfect” d. Physical Attraction i. Guys use physical attraction more in the long term; Girls understand guys want III. Sex a. Sex and Communication 1. Talking about sexual likes and dislikes a. Better sexual relationships b. Better overall relationship satisfaction 2. Communication during Sex a. Talking before, during, and after sex b. Sex act doesn’t make you feel used the lack of talking after b. Sex and Romance i. Women need romance to have better sex ii. Feelings of love (especially women) 1. Sexual Intimacy 2. Desire for frequent sex iii. Monogamy c. Sex and life-span i. Frequency decreases; No decrease in satisfaction with sex ii. Children and Frequency of Sex 1. Even though it goes down not unhappy
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Final Lecture Notes - March 22, 2007 Pick-Ups I. Stages a....

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