LECTURE 10:RELATIONSHIP COGNITION Oct 10, 2017 ANNOUNCEMENTS Essay: o Attribute your sources o Any citation (link) can go on the third page without taking away from the two page o Explain aspect of scene that correspond to theory The investment model posted on canvas COMMITMENT AND ITS CONSEQUENCES Stay/leave behavior Perspective taking ???? Accommodation o you go to a football game even if you don't like it o Move together due to job Derogation of alternatives o We meet new people and they can be highly attractive but we pick out the bad in them o More likely to discount someone else when we are committed Willingness to sacrifice Illusions/perceived relationship superiority Fidelity (less likely to cheat) Motives why you stay in a relationship or break up Can apply to life: choosing a major, changing a major o Ie. Investmen t by taking classes in old major, joining major base organizations o You have alternative majors, which one is more satisfying Commitment is a decision we are continuing pursuing Hard to capture a gradual decline on commitment, when does the commitment change? REALTIONSHIP COGNITION Road map o What is cognition? o What is cognition within relationships o Implicit theories of relationships What is relationship cognition? o Cognition: the mental process of knowing which includes perceptions, awareness, reasoning, and judgement. i.e. awareness of how roommate is feeling, reasoning as to why she's feeling that way, perceive they are anger, made a judgement as to why roommate is mad IMPLICIT THEORIES OF RELATIONSHIP Two mindsets that we can hold: o Destiny: I belong with this one person, only they can fulfill me o Growth: relationship gets better over time DESTINY MINDSET
Potential partners are either right or wrong A successful relationship is mostly a matter of finding the right partner Relationships that do not start off well will probably fail Examples: o Can be seen with intelligence: "this is my intelligence level and won't alter" o Love finds a way to conquer all GROWTH MINDSET The ideal relationship develops over time Obstacles can make love even stronger A relationship succeeds through hard work and resolution of incompatibilities Examples: o Simpson: being able to change Homer to become better DESTINY V. GROWTH Mindsets are orthogonal (not opposite end of spectrum) so it is possible to hold both mindsets "Fate brings people together, but then it is up to them." Destiny theory is not to be thrown in the trash. You could meet someone at coffee shop by faith and feel attractive to them. Also can't throw two people in a room together and expect them to grow. Mindsets are flexible and can change over time DESTINY V. GROWTH CONT Initial satisfaction vs longevity o Initial low satisfaction high destiny mindset are likely to stay o Initial low destiny, satisfaction has lower longevity EMPATHIC ACCURACY Understanding the thoughts and feeling of once partner Why is this important for our relationship?
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- Spring '08