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Unformatted text preview: Chapter 15 Maintaining and Maintaining Repairing Relationships Repairing wives' employment and income (Greenstein, 1990), neuroticism (Kelly & Conley, 1987), premarital cohabitation (Bumpass, Martin, & Sweet, 1991; Thomson & Colella, 1992), difficulties in the areas of leisure activities and sexual relations (Fowers et al., 1996), physiological arousal prior to problemsolving discussions (Levenson & Gottman, 1985), parental divorce (Glenn & Kramer, 1987), previous divorce of husbands (Aguirre & Parr, 1982; Bumpass et al., 1991), communication positivity/negativity (Markman, 1981), communication withdrawal and invalidation (Markman & Hahlweg, 1993), defensiveness and withdrawal (Gottman & Krokoff, 1989), higher ratios of hostility to warmth (Matthews et al., 1996), dissatisfaction with partners' personality and habits (Fowers et al., 1996), difficulties in communication and problem solving (Fowers et al., 1996) religious dissimilarity (Maneker & Rankin, 1993), maintaining separate finances (Kurdek, 1993), knowing the partner a short time before marriage (Kurdek, 1993), marrying young (Booth & Edwards, 1985; Bumpass et al., 1991; Martin & Bumpass, 1989), being less conscientious (Kurdek, 1993), problems relating to friends and family (Kurdek, 1991; Fowers et al., 1996), low or differing levels of education (Bumpass et al., 1991) having dissimilar attitudes (Kurdek, 1993; Larsen & Olson, 1989) Factors shown to increase the risk of marital dissolution Factors that you can change to improve your odds, if you work at it: Negative styles of talking and fighting with each other, like arguments that rapidly become negative, put downs, and the silent treatment Difficulty communicating well, especially when you disagree Trouble handling disagreements as a team Some types of mental health problems and substance abuse issues are quite changeable or can be improved, with work and support and treatment Unrealistic beliefs about marriage Having different attitudes and expectations about important thing A low level of commitment to one another, reflected in such things as not protecting your relationship from others you are attracted to, or failing to view your marriage as a long term investment Maintaining and Repairing Relationships
Relationship maintenance mechanisms are the strategic actions people take to sustain their partnerships. Maintaining and Repairing Relationships Staying Committed
– Cognitive Maintenance Mechanisms: Cognitive interdependence Positive illusions Perceived superiority Inattention to alternatives Derogation of tempting alternatives Maintaining and Repairing Relationships Staying Committed
– Behavioral Maintenance Mechanisms: Willingness to sacrifice Michelangelo phenomenon Play Forgiveness Maintaining and Repairing Relationships Staying Content
– – – – – Positivity Assurances Sharing tasks Openness Support Repairing Relationships Preventive Maintenance – The PREP program Marital Therapy – Conjoint therapy – Behavioral Approaches behavioral couple therapy cognitivebehavioral couple therapy integrative behavioral couple therapy – Emotionally Focused Therapy – Insight Oriented Therapy Conclusion
Relationship scientists hope that, now that you have studied their work, you are better equipped to create, understand, and manage successful, happy, rewarding relationships that last. ...
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- Spring '09