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Chapter 12 - Chapter 12 Conflict and Violence Put yourself...

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Unformatted text preview: Chapter 12 Conflict and Violence Put yourself in the following situations and then create another example: “I told you about that! You weren’t listening…You never listen…you need to listen!” “You did it wrong again…you never get it right. Give it to me, I’ll do it.” “I don’t like the way you always yell at the children!” “I won’t take this. Your mother would love to know how you’re acting…I think I’ll call her!” “Where were you?” “Leave me alone…I hate you!” “Whatever…” The Nature of Conflict What is Conflict? Interpersonal conflict occurs whenever one person’s motives, goals, beliefs, opinions, or behavior interfere with, or are incompatible with, those of another. Conflict is inescapable in close relationships The Nature of Conflict There’s dialectical tension between: 1. 2. 3. 4. personal autonomy and close connection to others. openness versus closedness. stability versus change. integration with, versus separation from, a social network. The Nature of Conflict The Frequency of Conflict Conflicts occur often. The amount of conflict people encounter is linked to: Personality Attachment style Stage of life Similarity Alcohol The Course of Conflict Instigating Events Couples may disagree about almost any issue. Four different types of events cause most conflicts: – Criticism – Illegitimate demands – Rebuffs – Cumulative annoyances The Course of Conflict Attributions Two partners’ explanations for events are often somewhat different, and conflict can result: – Misunderstanding may occur if partners fail to appreciate that each of them has his or her own point of view. – Attributional conflict can occur, with partners arguing over whose explanation is right, and whose is wrong. The Course of Conflict Engagement and Escalation When an instigating event occurs, the partners may avoid the issue If the issue is engaged and conflict begins, negotiation and rational problem­solving may follow. However, in other cases, escalation occurs and the conflict heats up . The Course of Conflict In the midst of conflict, unpleasant behavior may occur. – Direct actions explicitly challenge one’s partner: Accusations Hostile commands and threats Surly and sarcastic putdowns – Indirect actions are more veiled and implicit: Condescension Whining Evasion The Course of Conflict The Demand/Withdraw Pattern This cycle occurs when one partner criticizes and nags the other, and the other retreats from the confrontation and becomes defensive. Social Structure Hypothesis Demand/Withdraw patter is a reflection of power differences between men and women. The Course of Conflict Negotiation and Accommodation When things settle down, negotiation may also be: Direct – Offering concessions – Engaging in active listening – Providing approval and affection Indirect – Using friendly, non­sarcastic humor or The Course of Conflict Negotiation and Accommodation Voice – actively, constructively working to improve the situation Loyalty – passively waiting and hoping for things to get better Exit – active but destructive responses such as leaving the partner Neglect – passively allowing things to get worse Active Exit Destructive Neglect Voice Constructive Loyalty Passive The Course of Conflict Dealing with Conflict: Four Types of Couples Volatile couples have frequent and passionate arguments, but they temper their fights with plenty of wit and evident fondness for each other. Validators fight more politely and calmly, behaving more like collaborators than like antagonists. Avoiders rarely argue; they duck confrontation and often just try to fix problems on their own. Hostiles are more nasty to each other. http://video.aol.com/video/john­gottman­gridlock­in­ relationships/1360734 There are five ways that conflict can end: The Outcomes of Conflict – Separation occurs when one or both partners withdraw without resolving the conflict. – In domination, one partner gets his or her way when the other capitulates. – Compromise occurs when both parties reduce their aspirations so that a mutually acceptable alternative can be reached. – Integrative agreements satisfy both partners’ original goals and aspirations, usually through inventiveness, creativity and flexibility. – Structural improvement occurs when the partners not only get what they want, they make desirable changes to their relationship. Violence and Abuse in Relationships Violence involves acts carried out with the intention of physically hurting another person. Violent actions range from those that do little harm, such as grabbing or pushing, to others that inflict atrocious injury. The Conflict Tactics Scale is a research tool with which people can describe their aggression against their romantic partners. Facts About Domestic Violence Domestic violence can occur in any relationship, regardless of sexual orientation. Domestic Violence occurs when one person is clearly the victim. Mutual fighting is not domestic violence. Even though the perpetrator may be under the influence of drugs or alcohol when violence occurs, drugs and alcohol do not “cause” the domestic violence 1 in 3 women will be assaulted by an intimate partner in her lifetime (30­50% of all women) 30% of LGBT couples experience domestic violence 3 out of 4 women murdered are killed by their partners Acts of domestic violence occur every 15 to 18 seconds in the United States Violence and Abuse in Relationships There are four distinct types of violence in romantic couples: – Situational couple violence erupts from specific angry arguments that get out of hand. – In intimate terrorism, one partner uses violence as a tool to control and oppress the other. – Mutual violent control, which is uncommon, occurs when both partners engage in intimate terrorism. – Violent resistance occurs when a partner forcibly fights back. Gender Differences While men may cause more injury, women are more likely to use physical abuse. Mary Winkler Women do kill their husbands Battered Woman Syndrome or Defense? – "battered woman syndrome" is not a legal defense. – It is one approach to explaining battered women's experiences. Clemency Movement in California – battered woman defense Why do they stay? Economic reasons, lack of power, not alternatives . . . "Battered Woman Syndrome" 1970's ­ Initially, it was conceptualized as "learned helplessness" ( Walker, 1977­78). Cycle of Violence ( Walker, 1984), a theory that describes the dynamics of the batterer's behavior. Revised Remorse “Honeymoo n” period From unacceptable Feelings – Possibly from past insecurities Violence, abuse, control Addictions, manipulating, other acting out Defense against feelings Relief Current Opinion 1. 2. 3. 4. There is no single profile of a battered woman. The term "battered woman syndrome" is vague. The term "battered woman syndrome" creates an image of pathology. The relevant information relied upon for expert testimony in legal cases, advocacy, and clinical interventions involving battered victims extends beyond the psychological effects of battering. Violence and Abuse in Relationships Intimate violence is associated with: – – – – Cohabitation instead of marriage Life stress Low socioeconomic status Family background, including growing up in a violent home ...
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