Chapter14no - Building Healthy Relationships Chapter 14 Catherine N Rasberry Forming Relationship Stages of Dating GenderRole Attributes

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Unformatted text preview: Building Healthy Relationships Chapter 14 Catherine N. Rasberry Forming Relationship Stages of Dating GenderRole Attributes Sociological Factors (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Stages of Dating Attraction Ritual Physical attraction; chemistry Attraction is a "first step" Practices that help create familiarity; shared experiences Getting to know each other The beginning level of emotional intimacy (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Information Sharing Stages of Dating Activities Emotional Intimacy Occur with the information sharing stage Feeling of knowing and being known Key component: good communication Represents feelings of attachment and the desire to be in a more intimate relationship (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Commitment GenderRole Attributes Early studies viewed masculinity and femininity as unidimensional, bipolar concepts. Female traditionally characterized as: Male traditionally characterized as: Sympathetic, nurturing, timid, jealous, suspicious, submissive, and nonaggressive Aggressive, dominating, a leader, less religious, and strong (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) GenderRole Attributes More recently, Instrumental or agentic Used to describe traditionally masculine traits Assertiveness, independence, competence Expressive or communal Used to describe traditionally feminine traits Androgynous possessing a balance of Compassionate, affectionate, interpersonal concern instrumental (traditionally masculine) and expressive (traditionally feminine) traits (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Sociological Factors Socialization can contribute to differences in attitudes and behaviors between males and females in interpersonal interactions. Some believe that belonging to an individualistic society (like the U.S.) affects love and intimacy. (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Theories of Love Maslow's types of love Lee's Lovestyles Sternberg's Triangular Theory (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Maslow's Types of Love 2 primary categories D love Based on deficiency; trying to fulfill unmet needs Includes aspects of possessiveness, jealously, and B love dependence Based on being includes autonomy, interdependence, and mutual satisfaction (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Sternberg's Triangular Theory Liking (intimacy alone) Intimacy Romantic love (intimacy + passion) Consummate love (intimacy + passion + commitment) Infatuation (passion alone) Passion Empty love Commitment (commitment alone) Fatuous love (passion + commitment) (Crooks & Baur, 2002; Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Companionate love (intimacy + commitment) Lee's Lovestyles 3 Primary Lovestyles 3 Secondary Lovestyles Erotic love (romantic) Storgic love (companionate) Ludic love (gameplaying) Pragmatic love (practical) Manic love (possessive) Altruistic love (agape) (Crooks & Baur, 2002; Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Traits of a Successful Relationship 1. 2. 3. Separating emotionally from the families of origin and creating a new family. Maintaining autonomy and balancing it with togetherness. Establishing a vital sexual relationship that remains free from the distractions of work and family obligations. (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Traits of a Successful Relationship 1. 2. 3. Recognizing the changes that occur with parenthood and keeping communication open while time demands and responsibilities shift. Confronting crises and facing adversity together. Determining safe ways to express differences, conflict, and anger, and seeking resolution when differences occur. (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Traits of a Successful Relationship 1. 2. 3. Creating humor that keeps the little things in perspective and maintains the dynamic stimulation to avoid boredom and isolation. Nurturing and comforting each other, allowing dependency and vulnerability to feel safe. Remembering the early romantic, idealized images of love for the partner while facing the reality of shifts in the relationship. (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Types of Relationships Marriage and Committed Relationships Cohabitation Interracial and Mixed Race Marriages Lesbian Couples Single Lifestyles and Parenthood (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Marriage and Committed Relationships Patterns of marriage and cohabitation are changing Proportion of married couples with children has decreased, the proportion of single parents has increased, and the median age of first marriage has increased to 25.1 years for women and 26.8 years for men (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Seven types of marriage Marriage and Committed Relationships Devitalized Vitalized Financially focused Conflicted Traditional Balanced Harmonious (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Marriage and Committed Relationships Predicting Marital Success Peer Marriages Vitalized marriages high degree of overall relationship satisfaction Conflicted relationship dissatisfaction Phrase used to describe egalitarian partnerships between two people (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Cohabitation Greatly increased Reasons: 1970 500,000 people reported cohabitation 2000 3.8 million (estimates of 4.9 million) # 1 for women desire to get married # 1 for men convenience of sexual partner < 25% of women & 20% of men married their livein lover Today, nearly 2/3 of marriages preceded by cohabitation (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Stability Interracial marriages between nonHispanic whites Interracial and Mixed Race Marriages and other races continue to outpace interracial marriages between African Americans and non Hispanic whites. Changing socioeconomic demographics Discrimination Society exhibits more hostility toward unions between African Americans and others than for any other races. Interracial dating vs. Interracial marriage (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Lesbian Couples Values of collective society encourages equity and equality Often reject the influence of income on power Challenges: Maintaining personal boundaries Lack of role models Lack of legal and societal benefits Children (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Single Lifestyles and Parenthood More women are choosing to stay single Growing number of oneparent less pressure to get married due to more career opportunities, better education, & better birth control and childbirth options households 2 Factors: Increase in births to unwed mothers Increase in divorce (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Living arrangements for younger adults Troubled Relationships Love Addiction Terminating a Relationship Potential Sources of Conflict (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Love Addiction Love/avoidance addition one partner (the love addict) feels the need to be rescued and the other partner (the avoidance addict) attempts to avoid involvement with the partner Primary fear of love addict abandonment of avoidance addict intimacy (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Terminating a Relationship Effects of ending a relationship (on women) Divorce Cohabitation Other consequences: Depression, lower selfesteem, anxiety, feelings of Involvement in a new relationship betrayal or abandonment, and changes in child rearing, career decisions, finances, and housing Remarriage; blended families (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Potential Sources of Conflict Individual Problems Selfabsorption Excessive ambition Feelings of inferiority or superiority Criticism Contempt Defensiveness (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Potential Sources of Conflict External Affair Money Sex exacerbates problems that currently exist the most discussed issue in heterosexual relationships Physical intimacy viewed differently by men and women (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Potential Sources of Conflict Child Rearing and Household Labor Inattentiveness Women are estimated to do 2 to 3 times the amount of household tasks and child rearing activities that men do. Many couples slip into inattentiveness unintentionally due to business or fatigue. (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) The manner in which fights or Resolving Conflicts Fighting Fair disagreements are handled is a major predictor of relationship length. Most successful couple with the same fighting styles: Validators Volatile reactors Conflict avoiders (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Resolving Conflicts Fighting Fair Ineffective anger management techniques Patterns of expressing anger Silent submission Ineffective fighting and blaming Emotional distancing Pursuers Distancers Underfunctioners Overfunctioners (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Resolving Conflicts Fighting Fair Tips: Clearly state the problem or complaint Agree to discuss the problem or complaint Commit to: Change the pattern Disagree Find an acceptable compromise (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Resolving Conflicts Fighting Fair Conflict will occur in all relationships, the key is the willingness of the partners to share concerns and negotiate for change. (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Summary Statistics suggest that relationships are more difficult to maintain in today's society. Over of all first marriages end in divorce. Relationships have undergone a number of changes as gender roles and attitudes have converged. Sternberg's triangular theory of love suggests that relationships can be envisioned as the sides of a triangle: commitment, intimacy, and passion (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Summary Healthy relationships are characterized by attributes such as trust, respect, honesty, and authenticity. Unhealthy relationships are characterized by traits such as self absorption, jealousy, feelings of inferiority or superiority, and distancing. (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Summary Marriage, cohabitation, samesex unions, and remarriages are different types of relationships. Resolving conflicts by fair fighting is important to the happiness of partners in a relationship. (Kolander, Ballard, & Chandler, 2004) Reference Crooks, R.C. & Baur, K. (2002). Our Sexuality (8th ed.). Pacific Grove, CA: Wadsworth. Kolander, C. A., Ballard, D. J., & Chandler, C. K. (2004). Contemporary Women's Health. Willard, OH: WCB/McGraw-Hill. ...
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This note was uploaded on 03/26/2008 for the course HLTH 700 taught by Professor Chaney during the Fall '05 term at Texas A&M.

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