SOCI 316 - Part 3 Stressors and Endings.docx - SOCI 316...

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SOCI 316 - Part 3 Stressors and Endings Chapter 9 - Communication and Conflict Management in Marriages and Families Families as Powerful Environments Looking-glass self: to describe the process by which people adopt as their own, and gradually come to accept, the evaluation, definitions, and judgements of themselves they see reflected in the faces, words, and gestures of those around them Cooleys definition: (1) people reveal more of themselves in families than they do in superficial relationships (2) nuclear families are largely separated from the monitoring gaze of extended kin, neighbours or friends (3) the opinions of our immediate family members have a significant influence on the way people perceive themselves Family members are significant others : people whose opinions about each other are important to each individual’s self-esteem Attributions Family influences self-concepts; they can validate, or refuse to validate, an individual’s self-concept Influences what a person does and what the other person wants them to be, accomplished by implying a member is a certain way Attribution: ascribing certain characteristics to people (ex: telling a daughter she’s intelligent) As attributions are constantly being made, that unconsciously members start to act like the reputation given by their family Consensual Validation Family’s influence the definition of the world around them Consensual validation : People depend on other so affirm their many definitions Part of a families functioning: through conversation they help family members feel comfortable about how each perceives the world Ex: a teenager may feel more comfortable refusing a drink from friends if she has siblings around her that confirm she is doing the right thing Negative Family Power Significant others in a family have the power to make one member feel out of step (if they choose to use it) Gaslighting : when one partner chips away at the other’s perception of him or herself and at the other’s definition of reality Sometime destructive snipes at a partner or faintly camouflaged as humour (mixed messages or sarcasm) Related, is scapegoating : constantly blaming one particular member for virtually everything that goes wrong in the family The tendency to create boundaries not only gives members a place to belong but also increases family members’ power to undermine one another’s self-esteem
As a system of interacting parts, they work together to create complementary roles, or family personalities, for each of its members Families are still worm, happy but there’s a darker side to the family life Antidotes to Destructive Behaviour For the victim of gaslighting and scapegoating to overcome it, she or he must begin to think independently and challenging negative attributions Also have a source outside the family for building self-esteem 2nd antidote: being to foster a family atmosphere of encouragement

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