May I have your attention, please?May I have your attention, please?Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?We're gonna have a problem hereY'all act like you never seen a white person beforeJaws all on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst in the doorAnd started whoopin' her ass worse than beforeThey first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture (Agh!)It's the return of the "Ah, wait, no way, you're kiddingHe didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"And Dr. Dre said, nothing, you idiots!Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha!)Feminist women love Eminem"Chicka, chicka, chicka, Slim Shady, I'm sick of himLook at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-whatFlippin' the you-know-who, " "Yeah, but he's so cute though."Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head looseBut no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedroomsSometimes I wanna get on TV and just let looseBut can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kissAnd that's the message that we deliver to little kidsAnd expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris isOf course they're gonna know what intercourse isBy the time they hit fourth gradeThey've got the Discovery Channel, don't they?We ain't nothin' but mammals—well, some of us, cannibalsWho cut other people open like cantaloupesBut if we can hump dead animals and antelopesThen there's no reason that a man and another man can't elopeBut if you feel like I feel, I got the antidoteWomen, wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus, and it goesI'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real ShadyAll you other Slim Shadys are just imitatingSo won't the real Slim Shady please stand upPlease stand up, please stand up?'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real ShadyAll you other Slim Shadys are just imitatingSo won't the real Slim Shady please stand upPlease stand up, please stand up?Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell recordsWell, I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!