Phu Nguyen_ESL 099_Editing Assignment.docx - Nguyen 1 Phu...

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Nguyen 1 Phu Nguyen ESL 099-Mrs. Franz Writing Assignment: Editing Assignment 13 October 2019 In the first draft of the student, there is a lot of problems in grammar and content such as wrong word, wrong choice, wrong transition, fragment, missing topic sentence, etc. However, it had been improved a lot in the second draft. Although the second and the first draft have almost the same main idea, there is many differences on how to understand and launch the idea between them. The student has a good fix on almost mistakes on grammar; however; there still have some mistakes about the idea and content on the second draft. For example, the student is missing the third main idea in the thesis at the beginning of the essay which is an impact on the people’s longevity. Moreover, the essay also has some problems with the paragraph two. In paragraph
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Unformatted text preview: two, the supporting idea is not specific and persuasive. People clear the rain forest not only because of the high demand for meat animals, but also due to some other reasons. Therefore, I think the student should change another supporting idea to make it more persuasive and clearly. In my opinion, I think the paragraph five should have more other ideas to argue. For instance, in spite of its benefit of vegetarian, there are some researches show that if people eat only vegie, it won’t give them enough nutrition and health to work in a whole day. All of that are some ideas that I think the student should change in the essay, the rest of the essay is good and doesn’t need to fix....
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