EO4 Chapter 7 Notes.docx - EO4 Chapter 7 Notes Why Children Don\u2019t Listen Adults frequently complain that children don\u2019t listen to them and they

EO4 Chapter 7 Notes.docx - EO4 Chapter 7 Notes Why Children...

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EO4 Chapter 7 Notes: Why Children Don’t Listen Adults frequently complain that children don’t listen to them, and they often have no idea why. Few adults ever consider that it might be their own fault. How you talk to children and other people also makes a big difference in whether they care what you have to say. Criticizing and Lecturing It isn’t too surprising that people don’t listen to what is unpleasant to hear. It seems like a natural self-protective device to tune out what is unpleasant. Yet many teachers and parents express dismay when children don’t listen to their persistent nagging. Giving Orders It is fairly easy to recognize the unpleasantness of hearing about your errors. However, you may not have thought about why kids (and adults) also dislike constantly being told what to do and how to do it. These instructions communicate disrespect for the other person’s ideas and abilities. Inauthentic Communication Speaking to children with respect, as you would expect to do with adults, can be a helpful guide. But many people don’t know the best ways to express themselves to people of any age. Talking to Children Respectfully It is important to communicate your personal needs and limits. Doing so effectively means you state your feelings without labeling the child as bad and without ordering the child to change. “I messages” are appropriate when the problem is yours: what is happening is upsetting to you personally. Children need to learn to give “I messages” when someone does something that bothers them. Sometimes adults seem to get confused and assume that all problems are the adults’ problem; that view gets in the way of teaching children to express their own feelings with “I messages.” In contrast with “you messages,” “I messages” do not blame or condemn another person, and they do not contain putdowns. “I messages” also don’t tell someone else what to do, thus avoiding a “solution message.” They focus on your needs instead of on the other person’s actions
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A complete “I message” has three components, according to A description of the unacceptable behavior 1. Your feeling 2. The concrete effect of the behavior on you
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  • Summer '16
  • The Child, A. R. Gurney

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