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Evaluation week 2 - Although the overall idea was superb...

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Although the overall idea was superb, there are several major flaws that distract the reader on a large scale in the sample essay. The grammatical errors, repetition, and lack of order caused me to wonder if the writer even re-read her work. She was able to get her point across, but the effectiveness on which she did so definitely fell short of a good essay. The first group of errors I noticed was the simple, small grammatical errors. In the first sentence she writes “A while back, my Self revolved around trying to be perfect”. It appears to me that even a simple glance back at what she wrote would have lead her to be able to pick up on the fact that she should have wrote “myself” instead of “my Self”. In fact, the word “myself” should not even be used in that sentence. Having a major grammatical error in the opening sentence completely dampens the outlook of the entire paper. When writing an essay it is vital to capture your audience’s attention by using a good opening sentence.
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