other peoples corrections

other peoples corrections - 1. the thesis, was alright, but...

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1. the thesis, was alright, but it needed to dive a little deeper into an argument. It is just a little confusing to read. It could flow just a little better. 2. The argument is clear and I enjoyed reading your stance on his selfishness. You used a definitive meaning for selfishness, perhaps you could have left that out. A lot of the essay says he is selfish, but there are several parts where you contradict yourself and say that he was selfish but was doing it for his crew, which is a contradiction. 3. As for the evidence, there was a good usage, but some direct quotes would have been nice. Although the evidence is analyzed briefly, I think you can go deeper into the meaning of each passage. It seems you barely touch on your analyses. Most of the paper seems somewhat of a summary. Overall, I liked the paper. The introduction was well made and you supported your thesis. Paragraphs could have been connected better and intro sentences could have used more argument and less summarizing. You tend to use a lot of slang words
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other peoples corrections - 1. the thesis, was alright, but...

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