Love, Marriage, and Marriage Alternatives
Love Vs Liking
A. Hatfield’s Romantic and Companionate Distinction
– strong feelings of attraction and affection for their partners, wanting to contribute
to their partner’s happiness and personal growth, can be expressed as a eustress in a sexually
passionate or irrational erotic attraction to the other person.
Companionate Love – the liking of the other person that was the reason for the long term
relationship in the first place, friendlier and more stable than intense and unpredictable passionate
love. Many relationships start out with passionate love, but this diminishes over the years,
companionate love tends to remain the same.
B. Lee’s Six Type Model of Love
Passionate – physically erotic love, intensely emotional and sexual, driven by initial physical
attractiveness to get close or to have intercourse
Game Playing – games people play with payoffs that are advantageous to one person, may not be a
real commitment, more frequent with males than females to have multiple loves at the same time
Friendship – mutuality of interpersonal factors that extend over a period of time
Logical – cognitive or practical, based similarly upon a social balance model approach for
interpersonal relations, compatibility is important, such as similar background and beliefs
Possessive – stifling, consuming, tension filled love, need to be the center of attention and feel
intense jealousy whenever their partners share with others
Selfless – referred to as agape’, highest form of human love, altruistic and based on an unselfish
desire to nurture and care for the other person without much regard to personal gain (parents)
C. Sternberg’s Triangular Model – (see TABLE 8.2 page 183)
Passionate love is more significant in early phases of a long term relationship. It does not disappear
in permanently bonded relationships like marriage.
A. Reasons for Marrying
Love – 95% will marry at some point in their lives, but are waiting longer to get married. Most
Americans claim that love is the only acceptable reason for marriage. Women marrying
primarily for love reported greater satisfaction.
Companionship, Fulfillment, and Escape from Loneliness – mutual sharing of thoughts, feelings,
interests, tasks, decision making, and personal growth.
Sexuality, Reproduction, and Child Rearing – sexual abstinence was widely expected in the past to
prevent the spread of sexual transmitted diseases and to promote a cultural and ethnic purity.
Effective rearing of children is more difficult for one parent to accomplish.
Economic Security – in the past women were not expected to be financially independent and
marriage provided a way to ensure economic survival of the individual and the family.
B. Choosing a Mate – (see TABLE 8.3 page 187 and TABLE 8.4 page 188)