Assertiveness handout

Assertiveness handout - The ZINGER -- the negative...

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Dr. Janet L. Jacobsen Assertiveness: Requesting a change in behavior The basic approach to asking for change is called the sandwich method , because it cushions the “negative” – the request for a change – between positives that reaffirm the person and/or the relationship. Done properly, these are effective in long-term as well as other relationships. Remember that a key aspect of successful assertiveness is to emphasize "I" statements. Here’s the basic formula: Positive – negative – positive Here’s an example: You’re a great person and I’m glad you’re my kid. [positive] I think it’s time for you to move out and be on your own. [negative] I love you and I’m looking forward to us having a more adult/adult relationship, not just parent/child. [positive] Here’s a slightly more complex version of asking for change using the sandwich approach: 1. Positive feedback (preferably 2 points) 2.
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Unformatted text preview: The ZINGER -- the negative response, or the behavior change you want. 3. Another positive point. 4. Expression of confidence that the situation can be resolved. Finally, this is a much more complex and specific script, which lets you address your feelings in a non-emotional way. 1. Acknowledge the other person’s position 2. Discuss recent, OBSERVABLE behavior 3*. Interpret their behavior 4. How you feel about it 5. Your request – the behavior change you want. 6**. Consequences if not changed. * This is your opinion, not fact. You are likely to be making an attribution about why they do what they do, or what it means. Keep an open mind when listening to how they interpret their behavior. ** Consequences are not simply idle threats. They need to be real outcomes. Don’t say it if you can’t follow through. One realistic and logical consequence is “I’ll have to rethink my feelings about this relationship.”...
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This note was uploaded on 12/16/2009 for the course COM 312 taught by Professor Jacobsen during the Spring '09 term at ASU.

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