Chapter One Self esteem Secrets

Chapter One Self esteem Secrets - Chapter One What is Self...

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Unformatted text preview: Chapter One What is Self Esteem Exactly? Self-esteem covers many aspects but basically it is your sense of self worth. How valuable you think you are as a person. If you want to discover what your level of self-esteem is there are many tests you can take and I have one on my website at that this page: http://www.more-selfesteem.com/test.htm However, you can ask yourself a simple question and the answer to this will tell you what your present level of self-esteem is… “How much do I value myself?” If you think about this question carefully, your answers will tell you a lot. You should spend a bit of time thinking about this and taking a few notes would be very helpful before you start to read this e-book. You can’t touch it, but it affects how you feel… You can’t see it, but it’s there when you look at yourself in the mirror… You can’t hear it, but it’s there as a voice inside you… This is your self esteem! The opinion and values you hold are influenced by physical appearance, performance of various tasks, parents, religion, leaders, peers and siblings. ESTEEM means: • Value • worth • confidence • respect • honour • hold one in high regard So self-esteem is your awareness of all these about yourself. Let’s take a few minutes to look at all these important points above one by one. Value Everybody has an internal picture of their own value within society. To have a healthy level of self-esteem you need to have a good self opinion of yourself in terms of the value that you have in your family. This is so important. Much of your self esteem was formed in the first place in the family when you were a child and as you grew up your level of self-esteem depended on the role that you held in your family. Whether you are a father, mother son or daughter you need to know that you are performing your role well and to the best of your ability and that you are appreciated for it. -----------------------------------------------------Are you serious about building your self esteem? Then take a look at my new e-book "Self Esteem Secrets" Get a copy now: http://www.more-selfesteem.com/ebook.htm -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Your relationships within the family are very important in forming your own opinions about your value to the other members of the family. The respect that you receive from your partner or your children also comes into this. Men and women have a lot of different stresses and expectations within the family and so a man, for example, who has lost his job and is unable to provide for his family can suffer a drastic fall in his self esteem because he believes that he is not performing his duty appropriately. Women, on the other hand, have different roles to play but nonetheless if they are taken advantage of, (as is often the case with women), low self esteem results. Women usually have the role of running the family in the sense of looking after the children and preparing meals etc. (this is a very stereotyped view of course but it is still nonetheless the norm). Women sometimes have so many demands placed on them, (especially nowadays when women are also working and developing careers). This often means that they have to make choices and the problem with choices is that if you are forced to make them against your desires you can suffer low self esteem. The problem in families is that there are so many conflicting roles and responsibilities that not everybody can always take care of their own needs. This often leads to situations where people feel neglected or they feel that their needs are not being respected. This is especially the case with adolescents and young children who have little tolerance for parent’s other responsibilities and duties. As children we need to feel that we are valued. Whether we feel valued or not as children, depends on the messages that we get from our parents. Children feel valued when her parents give them positive messages and they feel bad when they receive negative messages. Parents these days have many responsibilities and with the fast pace of life in the modern world parents often do not give enough time to their children and worse, when they return home from work tired and stressed it is very easy for them to get angry and give their children negative messages. If this is repeated often the child grows up to be a child who suffers from low self-esteem and this can continue into adulthood. If you suffered from negative messages as you grew up as a child and let’s face it we all have to a certain extent, then you may still be suffering today and this may be why you do not value yourself as much as you should. If you are a parent you should be aware of the affect that your negative messages have on your children. How often have you heard yourself saying things like: “You never listen” “You’re so lazy” “You never clean up your room” And many other negative messages which repeated over a long period time really affect your child. Think back to when you were a child and the messages you received and you may understand that perhaps you are still suffering from the after effects of all those messages. Worth Your self-worth is also important. When you think of the job that you have and the things you do every day, do you believe that they are valuable to the world in general? The thing about self worth is that the most important thing is what you think. Your lack of self esteem is directly related to your own opinion of the value of what you do and who you are and this is totally within your control to change. Of course it is difficult if you are in a position where you always receive negative messages from your partner, from members of your family or from colleagues at work. What we’ll do in this book is try to alter the way you think about yourself and make you aware of how your thinking affects your ability to achieve your potential and reach your dreams. If you are serious about reaching the goals that you have set for yourself and you want a life filled with happiness then you must start with improving your self esteem and building your confidence. Confidence Self-Confidence is such an important aspect of self esteem because without SelfConfidence your self esteem will be extremely low. Without self belief you’ll be defeated before you even get started. Chances are that you may not even start difficult things because you will talk yourself out of it. As soon as anybody else turns round to you and gives you a negative message you will tend to believe them. In addition, low self confidence will mean that you are easily put off by others comments and you will give up. The reason why self-confidence and self-esteem are connected is because if you have no self-belief and you doubt yourself and your capabilities you will not challenge yourself and you will stick with things which are safe. You will be holding yourself back and a voice inside you will nag you because you will know the truth. The worst thing in life is to know that you are holding yourself back because you are paralyzed with fear of failure. Lack of self confidence fills you with a fear of failure. Fear of failure often means that you will fail because you will expect nothing else and we all know that through the law of attraction what you expect is what you get. High self-esteem enhances self confidence that enables a person to interact, participate and relate positively with others. To find out how you can boost your self confidence visit: http://www.more-selfesteem.com/self_confidence_tips.htm Respect Respect is another factor which is highly important. Self esteem not only depends on your own self respect but also depends on what you think others think of you. If a woman thinks that her family does not respect her or that they do not listen to her then she will suffer from low self esteem. It is the same for you. You need to feel that you are respected by others and if you don’t you will find it difficult to respect yourself. Honor Self-esteem also depends on honor. What do I mean by this? I mean that if you believe that what you are doing is honorable you will have a high opinion of yourself and you will value what you are doing and what you stand for. Honor is something which is based on honesty and prestige. It is very difficult to experience higher self esteem if your work or the activities you’re engaged in are less than honest or even downright wrong. However, even really bad people can sometimes managed to justify what they do in their own minds so honor is completely dependent on who is judging it. -----------------------------------------------------Are you serious about building your self esteem? Then take a look at my new e-book "Self Esteem Secrets" Get a copy now: http://www.more-selfesteem.com/ebook.htm Important: The way you view and feel about yourself has a profound effect on how you live your life. These opinions are shaped by experiences in the family, at school, from friendships and in wider society. Self-esteem involves your ability to think, to deal with life and to be happy… Okay, so self esteem is all about how you value yourself as a person… “Yes, but why do I not value myself highly and why do I suffer from self esteem? And what can I do about it?” I just heard you ask that question so I’ll try to answer it. Even if you didn’t ask out loud, believe me it was in the back of your mind. Let’s go one step at a time… The reason why you do not value yourself as highly as you should is because of the constant negative messages which you have received as you throughout your life. If you hear something often enough you begin to believe it and especially as a child when you are very prone to believing what grown-ups tell you. The tragedy is that experiences and the messages we received in our family environment as children sometimes stay with us for the rest of our lives. For many people, low self-esteem and the negative effects that go with it may have lasted for such a long time that it may seem extremely difficult to solve this problem. Before you read any further, please understand that it is never too late and never too difficult to turn your life around. You can experience higher levels of self-esteem but there is no magic wand that I can wave and make your problem go away…. You have to work at it and keep a close eye on it because it something that can change from moment to moment or day to day. Not only will you need to know how to quickly improve your level of self-esteem you will also need to learn how to maintain it and what to do if you notice yourself starting to think negatively or feeling bad about yourself. There are so many tricks and tips that I can give you but in the end how you feel depends on your thoughts and your efforts and these things are totally within your control. When we talk about self esteem we must also talk about other things like self belief and self confidence and as part of the overall armour that you need to put on to make yourself indestructible. I know how you feel when you suffer from self doubt, lack of confidence and low self esteem because I have experienced them too. The feeling of hopelessness and dread as you approach every new challenge. I want to try to help you turn this around and go from these negative feelings to boosting your self confidence and positive attitude. Check out this page for more about positive attitude and the effect it can have on your life: http://www.more-selfesteem.com/positive_attitude.htm So what are we waiting for? Let’s get started on the practical stuff… (There will be a section like this at the end of every chapter. These questions and exercises will help you know yourself better and move you towards your goal of high self esteem) Exercise: How much do I value myself?” Take a few minutes to think about this question and write down your answer in a few sentences. Think about who you are and what you do. Then consider this question… What can I do or change to value myself more? Note down your ideas and then get ready to read on, the next chapter will help you to start feeling better almost immediately and begin to find the hope you need to start building your self esteem and confidence… You can stop writing now… It’s time to move on ☺ …. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------That’s the end of chapter one. …there are another eleven chapters filled with secrets and tips to help you build your self esteem and turn your life around… Want to read the other chapters? Well, you need to get a copy of my Self Esteem Secrets e-book today here: http://www.more-selfesteem.com/ebook.htm And if you act now you will get all the bonuses but hurry they’re going fast… Good luck, Karl Perera ...
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This note was uploaded on 02/12/2010 for the course PSY 101 taught by Professor Truman during the Spring '10 term at York UK.

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