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Unformatted text preview: You don’t have to say “The night was like every other.” When “Dr. Donald Reed sipped his usual Jack and Coke.” If you just omit the few repetitive descriptions, the piece’s clarity and flow would simultaneously improve. Roy did a great job of making sure the logical progression of the piece was sound. My only question on believability is when Scott continues his “cocky” façade, even in the presence of a gun. Roy could argue that Scott was very drunk for this is blatant in the story, which is accurate to a degree. Scott’s mood shifts when Donald doesn’t put the gun down, which relieved most of my worries, however my suggestion would be to tone down Scott’s over-the top-bravery to a more uneasy joke when Donald first pulls the gun. Overall the piece is great and I enjoy your poetic writing style which gives a surreal tint to this realistic event. I look forward to reading more of your stories. Yo blunt lata?...
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This note was uploaded on 02/19/2010 for the course QW crw1123 taught by Professor Bobsanchez during the Spring '10 term at University of Kelaniya.
- Spring '10