Anything but Silence

Anything but Silence - You dont have to say The night was...

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Steven McCommon 1/26/2010 Anything but Silence by Roy Martina I thoroughly enjoyed this piece of fiction which took the realistic aspect of jealous murder and portrayed it surrealistically, through the eyes of a young boy. The plot flows nicely, with the shifts not sacrificing coherency. My critiques are focused mainly on grammatically issues as well as some instances of telling instead of showing. When using dialogue you use various following descriptions which sometimes reiterate what the reader automatically infers from what the characters are saying. You do have the ability to effectively describe through adjectives, however sometimes you go overboard. Also a small error that I found is that you occasionally us dialogue that emphasis real speech like when you write “I-I,” he struggled between sobs. This type of dialogue is usually strayed away from, but it is a minimal with respect to the piece as a whole. There are some instances in which you describe events which the reader already infers.
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Unformatted text preview: You dont have to say The night was like every other. When Dr. Donald Reed sipped his usual Jack and Coke. If you just omit the few repetitive descriptions, the pieces clarity and flow would simultaneously improve. Roy did a great job of making sure the logical progression of the piece was sound. My only question on believability is when Scott continues his cocky faade, even in the presence of a gun. Roy could argue that Scott was very drunk for this is blatant in the story, which is accurate to a degree. Scotts mood shifts when Donald doesnt put the gun down, which relieved most of my worries, however my suggestion would be to tone down Scotts over-the top-bravery to a more uneasy joke when Donald first pulls the gun. Overall the piece is great and I enjoy your poetic writing style which gives a surreal tint to this realistic event. I look forward to reading more of your stories. Yo blunt lata?...
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Anything but Silence - You dont have to say The night was...

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