I Wonder - I had trouble with the third person narrator has...

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Steven McCommon CRW 1101: Fiction Writing Section 1650 Monday, periods E1-E3 I Wonder I Wonder paints a not so distant future in which a new computer program has human-like intelligence. I become interested in the story after the second paragraph so maybe the beginning might need some adjustment. After May begins to talk with this computer program I feel that these encounters become rushed. I had no investment in either the artificial intelligence or the protagonist by the end of the story. If the conversations had more depth, the audience would have more to form character impressions. Page 3 and 4 were the most problematic. A quick fix would be to flesh out the dialogue, and avoid sentences such as “which takes us to a few weeks after the completed installation.”
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Unformatted text preview: I had trouble with the third person narrator has well. The awkward comments this omnipresent narrator makes about Mays philosophic standpoint on life, added unnecessary confusion to the story. The story would better connect the reader to the protagonists situation if the first person was used instead, though it remains in your discretion. The last two paragraphs did not add to the overall flow of the piece, and seemed to summarize the events thus far. Instead of ending like this, I would have liked to see more prying conversation between the computer and May. I wished that the non-living computer in this story could become a more developed character as well. The skeleton for a great story is there. All it needs is meat to flesh it out....
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I Wonder - I had trouble with the third person narrator has...

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