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Unformatted text preview: I had trouble with the third person narrator has well. The awkward comments this omnipresent narrator makes about Mays philosophic standpoint on life, added unnecessary confusion to the story. The story would better connect the reader to the protagonists situation if the first person was used instead, though it remains in your discretion. The last two paragraphs did not add to the overall flow of the piece, and seemed to summarize the events thus far. Instead of ending like this, I would have liked to see more prying conversation between the computer and May. I wished that the non-living computer in this story could become a more developed character as well. The skeleton for a great story is there. All it needs is meat to flesh it out....
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- Spring '10