Suzanne - Suzanne I don't know when I started doing it. I...

Info iconThis preview shows pages 1–2. Sign up to view the full content.

View Full Document Right Arrow Icon
Suzanne 1 of 5 I don't know when I started doing it. I guess I've always hated school and I've always been really nervous about things. A lot of the time, even before college, I used to play with my hair a lot and pull on it, tighter and tighter the more nervous I became. But I didn't think there was anything unusual about it. You know, everyone has nervous habits that they turn to when they get all stressed out, right? My parents were, let's say "difficult." They were always making me feel like I didn't do well enough. "Couldn't you have gotten an A? Couldn't you play basketball or soccer? Couldn't you have won the game? What could you have done to prepare for the test better? What can we learn from this? Why don't you have a boyfriend? Maybe if you dressed differently? You know, we just want you to be happy." I guess this whole thing really started a long time ago. When I was in 7th grade, I used to pluck out my eyelashes. I don't know why I started. I just remember that it used to relax me when I was tense. I also got the idea in my head that my eyelashes and my eyes were really irritated. I thought that maybe I had some dirt caught in there, and it was stuck between my eyelashes. So I would loosen it and stop the irritation by pulling the eyelash out. I actually remember thinking that there were microscopic living bacteria-like I had seen in a science film-on the end of the eyelash, wiggling around under my skin, and the bad eyelashes needed to be pulled out. The little pain of pulling the lash out was something I actually looked forward to, like when you have a hanging fingernail that hurts and you need to pull it out: a second of pain and instant relief: Once I started noticing that I was doing it, I would be really nervous right before I would pull it, and I would think that maybe I shouldn't pull this one. Then, when I was pulling it out, I imagined I could feel the irritating inside part coming out. After it was over; I felt relieved, all the nervousness gone. I would look at the lash I had pulled, almost trying to see the little bacteria wiggling like a worm on a fishhook. Soon, my eyelids were running out of hair; but no one seemed to notice, so I thought it wasn't a big deal. Maybe I wasn't really plucking them all out, I thought. Maybe I was just plucking out the bad ones and the eyelashes now looked exactly the way they were supposed to. Maybe, I thought, I'm just sensitive to the way it looks because I keep thinking about it so much. Of course, I couldn't help but notice that I wasn't able to pluck any long eyelashes anymore, only little stubby ones. Also, my eyelids were hurting all the time. One night at dinner; my mom just turned to me after we'd been sitting together the whole dinner; and screamed out, "What the hell happened to your eyelashes? You look horrible!" Boy that was so embarrassing. I wanted my parents to just go away. They wouldn't understand why I had to do it I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I promised her that I would stop, but it was easier said
Background image of page 1

Info iconThis preview has intentionally blurred sections. Sign up to view the full version.

View Full DocumentRight Arrow Icon
Image of page 2
This is the end of the preview. Sign up to access the rest of the document.

This note was uploaded on 03/02/2010 for the course PSYCHOLOGY 610B taught by Professor Drshepherd-look during the Spring '09 term at CSU Northridge.

Page1 / 5

Suzanne - Suzanne I don't know when I started doing it. I...

This preview shows document pages 1 - 2. Sign up to view the full document.

View Full Document Right Arrow Icon
Ask a homework question - tutors are online