ENC 1101 Peer Review 2B - to make the sentences connect...

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AJ Macaisa ENC 1101 Sect. 15 11/30/09 [email protected] Peer Review Core II (Brett Larose) First off there were some local issues with the paper. In the first paragraph, you misspelled “to.” You would have to use “too” in that sentence. There were some comma issues also in the third and fifth paragraphs so you need to fix those. Also your paper is missing a title and I am curious of what it will be. Other than comma errors your paper is grammatically correct and structured right. I really liked your opening paragraph and it made me want to read more. It seems like your second paragraph had a lot of random sentences put together so you should try
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Unformatted text preview: to make the sentences connect better. Your thesis was confusing and it took me a couple of tries reading it in order to understand it. I would try to make it sharper and to the point. The body paragraphs are descriptive, but it seems like there are a lot of questions without answers. I counted 4 questions in all and they didn’t really have an answer to them. Other than that, your descriptions are very intriguing. The last sentences in the final paragraph were intriguing and left me thinking so I wouldn’t change the conclusion....
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