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Unformatted text preview: to make the sentences connect better. Your thesis was confusing and it took me a couple of tries reading it in order to understand it. I would try to make it sharper and to the point. The body paragraphs are descriptive, but it seems like there are a lot of questions without answers. I counted 4 questions in all and they didnt really have an answer to them. Other than that, your descriptions are very intriguing. The last sentences in the final paragraph were intriguing and left me thinking so I wouldnt change the conclusion....
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- Fall '07