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Unformatted text preview: & Welcome tracimann & Log out & Edit your account & Help Salon The Web Search Go! & & Tuesday, Mar 13, 2007 & A&E & Books & Comics & Community & Life & News & Politics & Opinion & Sports & Tech & Business & Letters Log out Loving a ghost I believed that if I could get through the trifecta of holidays after Sept. 11 without Eddie, I could get to the finish line of my grief. But I'd forgotten about Valentine's Day. By A.R. Torres Page 1 Page 1 of 4 Loving a ghost - Salon 3/13/2007 http://dir.salon.com/story/mwt/feature/2002/02/14/wtc_valentine/index.html February 14, 2002 | A friend explains my present circumstances with this story: There was a woman who had two dogs. When one became terminally ill, she decided to have him put to sleep. On the day of the appointment, as per the veterinarian's advice, she brought the other dog along so that it could sniff the dead dog's body and comprehend its death. Deprived of that experience, the surviving dog would have waited at the door for eternity, always expecting her companion to return. I am the dog still waiting at the door. How do you have a relationship with a dead man? How do you love somebody who is no longer near your body? How do you love a body you did not see before it was buried because it suffered so much trauma that it was only identifiable through dental records? According to Helen, my therapist, you continue to have a relationship with a person whom you have lost -- somehow, some way. You internalize the relationship, she says. I look over at her with a smirk, and tell her this new relationship with Eddie is sorely lacking. Supposedly, with a body to bury, I had an edge in the grieving process over the WTC victims' families who didn't have a body. Supposedly it gave me closure. But having the body is not the same as seeing the body....
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- Health Psychology