2page - Theodore Hanson French R1A Rampid Racing The soggy...

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Theodore Hanson 1/19/10 French R1A Rampid Racing
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The soggy stairs steps Sorry for over alliterating Word Choice: I should try to be more careful and not just use literary devices as “icing on the cake” (pg. 258 Writing Analytically) Was quite confusing why I suddenly started talking about hair Fragment: I was going for poetic effect and forgot to make a sentence… In this case it lacked a subject for which the predicate to describe (pg. 353 Writing Analytically) Comma Splice/fragment: It was just a really long sentence that I tried to make sound dramatic but ended up being a run-on sentence and not even a complete sentence. (pg. 356 Writing Analytically) Extremely confusing / muddled sentences
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slip cautiously through the bleachers, while strenuous splashing sputters in the background. The sun has risen on the Bellarmine pool and the racers relentlessly rampage, back and forth. They were drenched in sweat well before the sleepy stands had seen sunlight and still they tirelessly trek through the throbbing water. Flowing fluently through the water like fish in a tank, they continuously commute to all the corners of the pool. All is quiet throughout the water, and like a tranquil darkness it effortlessly envelops the swimmers frames that so gracefully glide throughout its flesh. This pool surrounds them such that it penetrates their very souls with a poisonous pefection, yet they blindly breeze onward. Most all hair has fallen Sorry for over alliterating Word Choice: I should try to be more careful and not just use literary devices as “icing on the cake” (pg. 258 Writing Analytically)
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