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STEPS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION 1.) BE A GOOD LISTENER!!!!!!! 2.) THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY 3.) ESTABLISH YOUR "FRAME" -Time, place, interruptions, etc. 4.) WHEN IT'S ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT, LIMIT YOUR TOPICS 5.) BE HONEST: -What are your motives? -What do you want to achieve? -What result are you aiming for? -What are your feelings? 6.) USE "I" MESSAGES "When you __( data: something observable )______, I think___________, and that makes me feel________." From the cognitive-behavioral model that suggests we observe DATA, then we INTERPRET the data, and our feelings are based upon that INTERPRETATION, rather than directly dependent upon what we have observed. 7.) USE OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS: "Can you think of how we could make this work better?" 8.) CHECK IN FREQUENTLY: "Does this make sense?" "What did you hear me say?" "Am I seeing this accurately?" 9.) REMAIN NON-DEFENSIVE Probably the hardest step after being a good listener 10.) DON'T TRY TO FIX YOUR PARTNER'S FEELINGS 11.) GIVE UP BEING “RIGHT” AS A GOAL
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LISTENING From McKay et al, "Listening" "Bridges, Not Walls" Ch.6 REAL listening depends in part on intentions : 1. Understand someone 2. Enjoy someone 3. Learn something 4. Give help or solace Needs we meet by PSEUDO-LISTENING: 1. Feign interest so others will like us 2. Look for danger signs 3.
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