exam3 - Conflict Occurs whenever one persons motives goals...

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Conflict Occurs whenever one person’s motives, goals, beliefs, opinions or behavior interfere with or are incompatible with those of another Goals is the most motivating; more generally goals encompasses all the others Can you have a fight without having conflict? NO. Can you have conflict without having a fight? YES. Dialectics: simultaneous, opposing motivations. You can have dialectical tension between: Personal autonomy and close connection to others Openness and closedness Stability and change Integration with and separation from a social network Conflicts occur often. You can’t get through a relationship without conflict Dating couples report 2.3 conflicts per week Spouses report 1 -2 unpleasant disagreements each month Disagreements happen more often when you’re: Tired Drunk Hungry (because you have less patience- less resources to get through the conflict) Amount of conflict people experience is linked to: Personality: people high in neuroticism have more conflicts. People high in agreeableness have fewer conflicts Attachment: style: anxiety over abandonment makes conflict more threatening and more frequent Stage of life: older couples have fewer conflicts Similarity: the less similar partners are to each other, the more conflicts they experience Alcohol: intoxication exacerbates conflict Predisposing conditions: the other factors; what’s going on in the background Types of events that cause the most conflict: Criticism: behavior that seems unjustly critical, being perceived as demeaning or derogat- ory Illegitimate demands: requests that are excessive and seem unjust Rebuffs: occur when one’s appeals for help or support are rejected Cumulative annoyances: relatively trivial events that become irritation with repetition Attributional conflict: fighting over whose explanation is right and whose account is wrong Misunderstanding may occur if partners fail to appreciate that each of them has his or her own point of view If the issue is engaged and conflict begins: Negotiation and rational problem-solving may occur Escalation occurs and the conflict is ignited Predisposing conditions --> initiating events --> engagement --> escalation --> negotiation You can get around escalation but you must go through negotiation Accommodation: the ability to remain constructive in the face of a lover’s temporary dis- regard --> this makes for happier relationships
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Ending conflict Separation: when one or both partners withdraw without solving the conflict. This is not a good way to end Domination: one partner gets his or her way when the other capitulates (one person totally gets their way) Compromise: when both parties reduce their aspirations so that a mutually acceptable al- ternative can be reached Integrative agreement: satisfy both partner’s original goals and aspirations, usually through inventiveness, creativity and flexibility
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