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5 Lauren Crosby SA3G (1) - • Points are subtracted for...

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NAME: LAUREN CROSBY CONTENT/INFORMATION The paper has a thesis—a single, central point that is interesting, original, striking and substantial. The central idea is developed through well-chosen, appropriate, concrete details that show originality and freshness. Author shows rather than merely tells. 50/50 ORGANISATION/STRUCTURE The paper is organized and well structured (there is a beginning, a body, and a conclusion). The paper exhibits a clear pattern of development (chronological order, spatial order, comparison/contrast, etc.). Paper does not digress from central point. Transitions help the paper flow smoothly. Paragraphs are organized, unified and coherent. Introductory paragraph(s) is (are) interesting and appropriate. Concluding paragraph is satisfying. 22/25 STYLE/GRAMMAR/SPELLING Sentences show variety of pattern and are rhetorically effective. Words are appropriate and well chosen. Writer seems to be speaking in an authentic voice.
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Unformatted text preview: • Points are subtracted for errors in grammar (comma splices, fragments, fused sentences, agreement, etc.) and spelling. 21/2 5 TOTAL 93/10 GRADE: A COMMENT: Lauren, This paper takes an original approach to depicting a “character.” Instead of focusing exclusively on your own memories, you present your grandfather through the eyes of many different characters (your mother, your grandmother, the people at his funeral etc.) The treatment is fresh and appropriate. The paper is somewhat loosely organized. It is very appropriate that you begin at the end and both the introduction and conclusion are effective. However, the body of the paper does not always follow a logical progression. The language is authentic and appropriate for the most part. A few clichés have crept into your otherwise fresh style (this often happens when we write about topics that are difficult to verbalize such as the death of a loved one). Well done!...
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5 Lauren Crosby SA3G (1) - • Points are subtracted for...

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