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ENG101 Argument 1 Teacher Corrections

ENG101 Argument 1 Teacher Corrections - Fountain 1 George...

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Fountain 1 George Fountain III Lindsay Lawley Rerecich ENG 101, Section 05: Rhetoric and Composition February 4, 2010 Love Attracts The Navy recruitment poster is far more effective than the Vietnam draft resistance poster for several reasons. The use of color sends an intense flame to the viewers. A big vibrant text with stars, sends the message that the poster is important and worth the viewing time. A medium perspective is a valuable technique for the Navy recruitment poster, which allows the viewer to connect with the subjects being presented. The feeling or tone of the Navy recruitment poster causes its audience to remember the action presented and attract an emotional tie to the image.
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What is the first thing that attracts the reader to the subjects of the submarine volunteer poster? I’m not sure that starting with a question is the most effective strategy here. The two what? This is one example of a vague description. The viewer can see on the poster that the sailor is standing beside the woman; how he entered is not observable. You can certainly make guesses, but precede them with observations. “The man stands beside the woman. He seems to have entered…” This word usually has a negative connotation. This is an abstract noun. You might just want to say “medals.” You repeat “the woman” and “the man” a lot. You might try varying your references to them and using pronouns. Both of your descriptions, while they have some good detail, are hard to visualize. Your opening sentences in particular are rather vague. I’m not sure if something else was supposed to follow “look” here or if “young” is supposed to go at the end. This seems unrelated to the sentences around it. This is a fragment. It needs a main verb, or it needs to lose “since.” Which poster?
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It has to be the type of relationship the two I’m not sure that starting with a question is the most effective strategy here. The two what? This is one example of a vague description. The viewer can see on the poster that the sailor is standing beside the woman; how he entered is not observable. You can certainly make guesses, but precede them with observations. “The man stands beside the woman. He seems to have entered…” This word usually has a negative connotation. This is an abstract noun. You might just want to say “medals.” You repeat “the woman” and “the man” a lot. You might try varying your references to them and using pronouns. Both of your descriptions, while they have some good detail, are hard to visualize. Your opening sentences in particular are rather vague. I’m not sure if something else was supposed to follow “look” here or if “young” is supposed to go at the end. This seems unrelated to the sentences around it.
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