love - (Ranging from: Stealing Plutonium to build a time...

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Unformatted text preview: (Ranging from: Stealing Plutonium to build a time machine, robbing a bank/liquor store/American treasury/casino/Tiffany’s/Chanel/th e Mall/Bill Gates, breaking into an amusement park for free rides, stealing drugs/cars/diamond ring, Not pay for college, Take down credit card companies, Blackmail Do ind iduati ittin CEO for meneyi,vCommon g fraud, Changing Bill Gate’s will to L o s s o f in d iv id u a lity o r d e p e r s o n a liz a tio n him/awareelfss) rtinttinomes fney,bsitngailn (self hers ne, p ha c g mo orm e e an u a group nattended police car, rig loyoer yame eal t knawn, n ore kkety too ay If tt u rn , st is nose o so m tic li e l s t s w hat you w ant Chicago Bulls. ) -Academic Dishonesty: 31 (Ranging from: Stealing Psych/Biology/Calculus Final Crib, Skipping Class, Changing Grades, Forcing Dean to give him/her diploma, cheating on exams.) -Drug Usage: 11 (Ranging from: Tripping on Acid in Tiimes Seakde,wn tofg bocennaOeal F nal Br quar o Hit in Per ng i t g vs: office, Grow a lot of weed, become a drug lord/dealer, smoke with T h e ft: 4 8 % Ca on st o 12% Academic DishroleDy:nnelly Drug UsaSexual Activity: 21 - ge: 4% Sex(Rlangvitg: fr%m: Voyeurism, ua Actiiny 8 o V io le n c e a n d o th e r c r im e s : 9 % w onsh p C Hillary % Relatiatchiing onflicts: 1Clinton get Mscrlewecepty ble: 9%se, Cheat on ora ly Ac d b a a hor gOtlfriend/boyfriend, Sex with every ir her: 9% pretty girl, Sex with Carol Donnelly, Rape, streak through presidential inauguration speech/at the Grammies/around campus, have group sex, Buy strippers, Sex under the Bell Tower) -Violence/Discrimination/Hate Crimes/Vandalism/Other Illegal: 25 (Ranging from: Removing ignorant people from world, Killing Bad people/random people/neoconservatists/pandas/th e President/”best” friend, Punching people, Throwing eggs at people from Bell Tower, Blow up things, Send bomb to Japan, Beat the hell out of someone, Killing spree, Destroying someone’s car/closet, Go cow tipping, Ignore all speed limits, Breaking into Area 51, Defiling hardware store toilets, Pull Fire alarm, slash tires) Relationship Conflict: 3 (Ranging from: Sabotaging ( R a n g in g fr o m : D o n o th in g d iffe r e n t, B e n a k e d 2 4 /7 , P r a n k R .A ., s c r e a m to r e le a s e fr u s tr a tio n , T im e tr a v e l, T a k e la s t c o o k ie fr o m c o o k ie ja r , B a s e ju m p in g o ff e m p ir e s ta te b u ild in g , d e s tr o y a ll c ig a r e tte s in th e w o r ld , s ta y in b o y fr ie n d ’ s b a r r a c k s a t W e s t P o in t, n e v e r g o to s c h o o l, B e in a h e is t w i t h a “m o n k e y ” d r i v e r . ) LOVE Maslow’s motivation theory A good relationship…. is th e s in g le m o s t im p o r ta n t fa c to r in d e te r m in in g s a tis fa c tio n w ith : y o u r life & o v e ra ll h a p p in e s s Happiest older people… H a v e a s a tis fy in g r e la tio n s h ip 1.Proximity G e o g ra p h ic a l n e a rn e s s M e r e e x p o s u r e e ffe c t # 1 p r e d ic to r fo r d e v e lo p in g r e la tio n s h ip s First Impressions F ir s t im p r e s s io n is n e u tr a l o r p o s itiv e .. T h e n r e p e a te d e x p o s u r e w ill le a d to lik in g 2.Emotions C o n d itio n in g e ffe c ts E x a m p le : M u s ic 3a.Affiliation (traits) E x t r o v e r t — h ig h a ffilia tio n fo r o th e r p e o p le In t r o v e r t — l o w a ffilia tio n fo r o th e r p e o p le **Need to be aware of partner’s affiliation s ty le 3.b Affiliation (situations) Some situations bring people together Others make them drift apart (reading embarrassing material) Complementary Schizmogenesis The m o re y o u p u s h , th e m o r e th e o th e r p u lls a w a y s o m e o n e w h o is u s e d to s ta n d in g c lo s e h a s a c o n v e r s a tio n w / s o m e o n e w h o fe e ls m o r e c o m fo r ta b le w / a la r g e r s p a c e T h e fir s t p e r s o n w ill k e e p o n m o v in g c lo s e r w h ile th e s e c o n d w ill k e e p o n m o v in g a w a y Example W o m a n w a n tin g m o r e e m o tio n a l in tim a c y T h e m o r e s h e r e q u e s ts it, th e m o r e h e p u lls away S o lu tio n : le t h im o r h e r b e L ik e a d a n c e : r e la tio n s h ip s c o m e c lo s e th e n m o v e a p a r t 4. Attractiveness 1 .H a lo e ffe c t 2. M a tc h in g h y p o th e s is : A ll th in g s b e in g e q u a l, y o u te n d to m a r r y s o m e o n e w h o is s im ila r in le v e l o f a ttr a c tiv e n e s s 5. Similarity: D o b ir d s o f a fe a th e r flo c k to g e th e r ? O r d o o p p o s ite s a ttr a c t? Social Validation W h e n it c o m e s to : V a lu e s A ttitu d e s B e lie fs b e b ir d s o f a fe a th e r W h e n it c o m e s to m o r e superficial things— o p p o s ite s c a n b e c o m p le m e n ta r y Will Our Love Last?: A Couple's Road Map [b y S a m R . H a m b u r g ,2 0 0 1 ] It's all about compatibility e s p e c ia lly w ith v a lu e s & b e lie fs it's best to have a lot of c o m m o n g ro u n d 6. Reciprocal Judgment W e lik e th o s e w h o lik e u s If s o m e o n e h a s a c r u s h o n y o u , y o u ’ l l te n d to lik e th e m if we: Don ’ t a ttr ib u te fla tte r y to m o tiv e s R e c e n tly b e e n d e p r iv e d o f a p p ro v a l O th e r s p r a is e r e v e r s e s e a r lie r c r itic is m 7. Equity A c o n d itio n in w h ic h w h a t p e o p le r e c e iv e fr o m a r e la tio n s h ip is p r o p o r tio n a l to w h a t th e y c o n tr ib u te to it L O V E: Sternberg INTIMACY PASSION COMMITMENT Passionate love: Super nova A n a r o u s e d s ta te o f in te n s e p o s itiv e a b s o r p tio n in a n o th e r , u s u a lly a t th e b e g in n in g o f lo v e r e la tio n s h ip Beginning of a camp fire Falling in Love: Passion P a s s io n a te lo v e ( r o lle r c o a s te r ) P h e n y le th la m in e Helen Fischer D o p a m in e h ig h S e r o to n in d r o p P a s s io n a te lo v e : 3 th in g s 1.Culture Need to b e r a is e d in a c u ltu r e th a t te a c h e s it to th e ir y o u n g 2. Appropriate Person N e e d p re s e n c e o f s o m e o n e y o u fin d a ttr a c tiv e 3. Two-Factor Theory of Emotion E m o tio n s a r e d iffu s e , p h y s io lo g ic a l a r o u s a l a n a ro u s a l to th e e m o tio n o f lo v e A ttr ib u tin g Breaking Up # 1 fa c to r th a t c a u s e s b r e a k - u p s : th in g s th a t c o n tr ib u te d to in itia l fr ie n d s h ip g o away Companionate love T h e d e e p a ffe c tio n a te a tta c h m e n t w e fe e l fo r th o s e w ith w h o m o u r liv e s a r e e n tw in e d Companionate love is Friendship part: like the steady enduring fire L a s ts a life tim e Romantic love fades or weakens after 2 years that's why a lot of relationships b r e a k u p a fte r a b o u t 2 y e a r s h a v in g r e a lis tic e x p e c ta tio n s is a k e y to k e e p in g a r e la tio n s h ip g o in g It ta k e s a little w o r k th e n Have realistic expectations O n ly in F a iry T a le s d o : 2 p e o p le m e e t e a c h o th e r fa ll in lo v e , g e t m a r r ie d & liv e h a p p ily e v e r a fte r Weiss: G o o d c o u p le : 8 p o s itiv e to 1 n e g a tiv e B a d c o u p le : 1 p o s itiv e to 1 n e g a tiv e = d e s tr u c tiv e Communication In te r p e r s o n a l c o m m u n ic a tio n h a s 2 m odes: “Verbal Behavior” m e a n in g c a r r ie d b y th e w o r d s & s e n te n c e s th e m s e lv e s “Evocative Signals” e m o tio n & n o n - v e r b a l m e a n in g s th a t a r e c o m m u n ic a te d ( w h ic h a r e m o r e lik e ly to p r o v o k e a n e m o tio n a l r e s p o n s e ) Good couple learns to Communicate (use +-+) Speak L is te n E m p a th iz e S e lf d is c lo s u re : re v e a lin g in tim a te a s p e c ts o f o n e s e lf to o th e r Gottman: learn how to argue 4 h o r s e m a n : p r e d ic ts d iv o r c e C o n te m p t C r itic is m D e fe n s e S to n e w a llin g ( d o n ’ t r e s p e c t th e o th e r ) H. Markman: PREP D e v e lo p s k ill w h e n y o u don’t need them so w h e n n e e d th e m th e y a r e th e r e Cowen H a v in g c h ild re n c a n te m p o r a r ily d e c r e a s e m a r ita l s a tis fa c tio n S k ill to k e e p r e la tio n s h ip g o in g a t th a t tim e 7 0 p e r c e n t o f a ll a r g u m e n ts in a r e la tio n s h ip o r m a r r ia g e a r e b a s ic a lly “ u n s o lv a b le ” le a r n to liv e w ith s o m e o f th o s e p ro b le m s ‘ u n s o lv a b le ' a r e th in g s lik e : y o u r fa m ily y o u r b a c k g ro u n d y o u r b e lie f — things that aren't going to change Compromise if you can't do that with someone you're dating o r m a r r ie d to … then you're definitely in fo r tr o u b le Interview both parents in a n y r e la tio n s h ip , th e r e a r e s ix p e o p le in v o lv e d — th e tw o o f y o u & b o th s e ts o f p a r e n ts Y o u s h o u l d n 't m a r r y s o m e o n e if y o u h a te 1 0 things about him but think,… 'O h , w h e n w e 'r e m a r r i e d , I 'l l be able to change him.‘ T h a t 's n o t g o i n g t o h a p p e n Y ou never know w hen s o m e o n e w ill: g e t a c h ro n ic illn e s s d e v e lo p a n a d d ic tio n o r e n c o u n te r m illio n s o f o th e r u n e x p e c te d p ro b le m s Before getting married…. K n o w th a t y o u r p a r tn e r is N O T p e r fe c t make sure that you've been th r o u g h b a d tim e s , n o t ju s t g o o d tim e s ( s o m e s e r io u s fig h ts o r r o u g h tim e s in th e r e la tio n s h ip ) If a c o u p le h a s b e e n th r o u g h h a r d tim e s & D is a g re e m e n t A rg u m e n t & a r e s till to g e th e r It ’ s a g o o d s ig n It s h o w s th a t r e la tio n s h ip is s tr o n g a g o o d r e la tio n s h ip th e r e to h e lp e a c h o th e r d u r in g h a r d tim e s : b u ild s tr u s t la u g h w ith e a c h o th e r d u r in g r o u g h tim e s : b r in g s c o u p le a little b it c lo s e r S e e e a c h o th e r a t b e s t b u t a ls o s e e n e a c h o th e r a t m o s t v u ln e ra b le o r w e a k e s t p o in ts , to o Happiest couples….. L e a r n ( C h o o s e ) to fo c u s o n o th e r s p o s itiv e s 8 to 1 S e lf fu lfillin g p r o p h e c y Cooley’s “Looking Glass Self”: the power of social constructions Which of these is not one of the concepts that social psychologists study that affect the formation of a relationship? A. Proximity B. Attractiveness C. Occupation D. Similarity ...
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This note was uploaded on 02/06/2011 for the course PSYCH 120 taught by Professor Lebrenton during the Spring '10 term at Purdue University-West Lafayette.

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