09.29.09
Overview:
Background
Macro: “Big” pictures explanations for why breakup / divorce happens
Micro: Interdependence Theory / Commitment
Stages of breakup
Pathway to dissolution
– most ppl go thru it but not all, stages
•
Recognition of problems
o
Tends to be gradual (builds up – women usually initiates)
o
“Intrapsychic” : happens in your own head
•
Exposure of probelmes to partner
o
Dyadic process: put cards on table (may be done directly or indirectly – preparation phase)
o
Begin pulling out
o
“too busy”, short interactions, etc.
•
Negotiation (Not for everyone)
o
Stay or go?
o
How will conflict be resolved?
o
“I’ll be better….”
•
Transformation of the relationship
o
Focus on self future vs. relationship future
o
Symbolic purging (e.g. Song, place, photos, haircuts, etc) – because it is identifying a part of you, you
want to change it (develop a strong mental relation with places, activities, etc with your ex-partner, so it
is really hard to get over it)
o
Social phase: seek out others (You end up have to pull yourself out of a network – HARD) (Anniversary
effect: elders are highly likely to die around a special anniversary)
•
Grave-dressing
o
Account making: create stories of how and why ended (you were so intertwined, and it’s really hard to
un-do that)
o
Convince self that still have market value
o
Move on…
Pathway to dissolution = Stage model
- Problem with stage models: not everybody will have the same experience
•
Recognition of problems

o
The point in the relationship when someone realizes there’s something
wrong
o
Tends to be gradual
Women initiate most breakups/divorces
o
Intrapsychic: happens in your own head; not necessarily telling your
partner about your doubts
•
Exposure of problems to partner
o
Dyadic process: put the cards on the table – can happen directly or
indirectly
o
Begin pulling out – start creating psychological/emotional distance
o
“Too busy,” short interactions, etc.
•
Negotiation
o
Begin to discuss whether to stay or end the relationship
o
How will the conflict be resolved?
•
Transformation of the relationship
o
When we become interdependent, all of our behaviors become tied to
theirs; our identity has to go back to what it was before the relationship
o
Focus on self future vs. relationship future
o
Symbolic purging (e.g., song, place, photos, haircut, etc.) – doing things
symbolically to get the person out of your life
Picture: “the cathartic post-breakup haircut”
Why a haircut? Hair is part of your identity and is the easiest thing
to changeabout your appearance in a short amount of time
Anniversary effect: we associate people with specific dates;
example: Your spouse dies. There is high chance that your own
death will be around the time of a significant anniversary
o
Social phase: seek out others; start reaching back out to the networks you
abandoned while in the relationship
•
Grave-dressing
o
Putting it behind you
o
Account making: create stories of how/why it ended – tend to be pretty
self-serving
o


You've reached the end of your free preview.
Want to read all 66 pages?
- Spring '08
- Gray
- Psychosexual development, Identification Theory, But… Freud