Exam 2 Master Set(2) - 09.29.09 Overview Background Macro...

09.29.09
Overview:
Background
Macro: “Big” pictures explanations for why breakup / divorce happens
Micro: Interdependence Theory / Commitment
Stages of breakup
Pathway to dissolution – most ppl go thru it but not all, stages
• Recognition of problems
o Tends to be gradual (builds up – women usually initiates)
o “Intrapsychic” : happens in your own head
• Exposure of probelmes to partner
o Dyadic process: put cards on table (may be done directly or indirectly – preparation phase)
o Begin pulling out
o “too busy”, short interactions, etc.
• Negotiation (Not for everyone)
o Stay or go?
o How will conflict be resolved?
o “I’ll be better….”
• Transformation of the relationship
o Focus on self future vs. relationship future
o Symbolic purging (e.g. Song, place, photos, haircuts, etc) – because it is identifying a part of you, you
want to change it (develop a strong mental relation with places, activities, etc with your ex-partner, so it
is really hard to get over it)
o Social phase: seek out others (You end up have to pull yourself out of a network – HARD) (Anniversary
effect: elders are highly likely to die around a special anniversary)
• Grave-dressing
o Account making: create stories of how and why ended (you were so intertwined, and it’s really hard to
un-do that)
o Convince self that still have market value
o Move on…
Pathway to dissolution = Stage model
- Problem with stage models: not everybody will have the same experience
• Recognition of problems

o The point in the relationship when someone realizes there’s something
wrong
o Tends to be gradual
 Women initiate most breakups/divorces
o Intrapsychic: happens in your own head; not necessarily telling your
partner about your doubts
• Exposure of problems to partner
o Dyadic process: put the cards on the table – can happen directly or
indirectly
o Begin pulling out – start creating psychological/emotional distance
o “Too busy,” short interactions, etc.
• Negotiation
o Begin to discuss whether to stay or end the relationship
o How will the conflict be resolved?
• Transformation of the relationship
o When we become interdependent, all of our behaviors become tied to
theirs; our identity has to go back to what it was before the relationship
o Focus on self future vs. relationship future
o Symbolic purging (e.g., song, place, photos, haircut, etc.) – doing things
symbolically to get the person out of your life
 Picture: “the cathartic post-breakup haircut”
 Why a haircut? Hair is part of your identity and is the easiest thing
to changeabout your appearance in a short amount of time
 Anniversary effect: we associate people with specific dates;
example: Your spouse dies. There is high chance that your own
death will be around the time of a significant anniversary
o Social phase: seek out others; start reaching back out to the networks you
abandoned while in the relationship
• Grave-dressing
o Putting it behind you
o Account making: create stories of how/why it ended – tend to be pretty
self-serving
o