workshop 1 - You also did a very good job using some of the...

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Jamie Goode T. Hetzel English 130 January 31, 2011 [email protected] Dear Katherine, So far I think you have done a very good job. You have found your voice in your personal essay but I was kind of confused as to what the main point was of your essay. It seems as if you knew exactly what you were trying to say but your ideas got kind of confusing as they were placed on paper. Although I have made a few slight corrections on your paper, and I feel that your ideas got a little confusing, overall I think you have a very strong writing style and just need to prefect the order that you have written in. You have done a good job at finding your voice and you have established your own writing style. You have learned the way that you want to engage the reader in your compelling storyline and it is important that you just continue to fallow through with your initial though until you reach the end of the paper.
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Unformatted text preview: You also did a very good job using some of the different skills we have learned in class to help make your paper better and more interesting. Also, the part of your paper that I found confusing was the repetition. I enjoyed how you talked to the reader and let us know that you were aware of your repetition but near the end I think you had repeated yourself too much and might want to revise that to make it a little less reparative. Also, as the reader it was difficult to connect with the writer because there were parts that we were not entirely sure of what you were talking about. You’re ideas were reparative but not always relevant to the previous statement that you were talking about. Other than that, I think you have done a great job on your paper and I think you are heading in the right direction 1...
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