FAD2230 Chapter 7 notes

FAD2230 Chapter 7 notes - Chapter 7: Qualities of a...

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Chapter 7: Qualities of a Successful Marriage 1. Cognitive Maintenance Mechanisms a. Cognitive interdependence- the perception of overlap in life; we, us, and ours replacing I, me, and mine b. Positive Illusions- idealizing each other and perceiving their relationship in the best possible light; judges partner’s fault as trivial, relationship deficiencies as temporary aberration c. Perceived superiority- committed partners tend to think of their relationships as better than most d. Inattention to alternatives- satisfied partners are less likely to be looking for other lovers; contended partners tend to be relatively uninterested and unaware of options e. Derogation of tempting alternatives- commitment leads people to disparage those who could lure them away from their existing relationship; can appreciate gorgeous others but only if they are no threat 2. Behavioral Strategies a. Willingness to sacrifice- this can be trivial costs such as choice of movie or food; but it can also involve substantial costs in which people tend to endure long periods of deprivation (school example) b. Michelangelo phenomenon- relationships prosper when our partners behave toward others in ways that encourage us to gradually become the people that we want to be (car dealer moving to China) i. This is only a good thing when not keeping track c. Accommodation- committed lovers tend to swallow minor mistreatment from their partners without biting back; control impulse to respond in-kind and rather respond constructively d. Play- couples are usually content when they find ways to engage in novel, challenging, exciting, and pleasant activities together, hike, bike, dance, concerts, movies e. Forgiveness- more likely to forgive after a partner’s betrayal; quickens healing of both relationship and person 3. Canary and Stafford’s Relationship Maintenance Strategies a. Positivity- try to be cheerful and to act nice b. Openness- encourage him or her to disclose thoughts and feelings
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c. Assurances- stress my commitment; imply we have a future d. Sharing a social network- common friends; do things with family and friends of both e. Sharing tasks- help equally with tasks f. Sharing activities- time with each other; routine activities
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This note was uploaded on 03/08/2011 for the course FAD 2230 taught by Professor Byno during the Fall '08 term at FSU.

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FAD2230 Chapter 7 notes - Chapter 7: Qualities of a...

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