response to Jen's term paper 2

response to Jen's term paper 2 - provide an example of one...

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Matt Schillizzi P. Taylor 9 December 2009 Response to Jen Hartman’s Paper This paper was very well put together and has a very strong message. The support is great and the insight you insert is well-thought out. I was waiting for your own thoughts on the subject, but once I hit paragraph five, all that I wanted to hear was there. Altogether, maybe just going back and proofreading one more time and trying to re-work a few awkward phrasings could benefit your argument. One idea that I am still unsettled with was in the seventh paragraph when you were discussing your own views on Burnham’s stress of importance on traditions. You said that you were not too fond of his “strong grip on the meaning of tradition” when it comes to making changes that are not considered to be “traditional”. As a reader, I was curious of what this may entail. After saying that certain changes in our government can lead to our downfall,
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Unformatted text preview: provide an example of one or two of these changes. I interpreted Burnham to be referring to ethical issues, like gay marriage. But I think you are referring to more serious changes, such as Texas’s potential secession. This was the only spot where I felt that it needed more input and support. Aside from that, I found everything else to be outstanding. I like your last sentence so much, that I would suggest incorporating it into your thesis. Maybe changing your last sentence of your first paragraph to read “I will then proceed to evaluate his claim of how the paradox can be resolved, challenging his beliefs that following traditions is the closest America can come to obtaining the ideal government”. It just seems like this was a key point in your paper, but it was not included in your opening thesis. Otherwise, this was very good....
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This note was uploaded on 04/04/2011 for the course PHILOSOPHY 0924 taught by Professor Taylor during the Fall '09 term at Temple.

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response to Jen's term paper 2 - provide an example of one...

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