Notes for Exam 2

Notes for Exam 2 - 22:04 doneonwhite,mid

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Chapter 6- Qualities of a Successful Marriage  22:04 Researchers have been trying to determine what makes a marriage successful People have different goals and definitions of a successful marriage Obstacles in studying married couples- most research that’s been done has been  done on white, middle class couples, which doesn’t reflect everyone Most people agree that marriage success relates to how durable the marriage is.  Which means how well you meet each others expectations and how well your  needs are met within the marriage Researches look for level of “marital satisfaction” Just because a couple has been together for a really long time, that doesn’t  necessarily mean that they’re happy How can you judge whether your marriage is happy or not? You need to determine if it’s a temporary problem or a permanent problem One of the key things that distinguishes happy from unhappy couples is  communication o John Gottman- researcher who claims that he can accurately predict which  couples will divorce and which couples will not, with 95% accuracy. He does  this by evaluating how the couples communicate… “Love Lab” in CA Says that unhappy couples bounce the negativity back and forth In a happy couple, if one person makes a positive statement, the other  person will make a positive statement In an unhappy couple, if one person makes a positive statement, the other  person doesn’t say anything 4 horsemen of the apocalypse (present in marriages that end up in  divorce) Criticism- attacking someone’s personality or character rather than  specific behavior o “kitchen sinking”- long list of criticisms o global phrases- “you always” or “you never” Defensiveness- defending yourself against a perceived attack o typically try to deny their responsibility, make excuses, often meet  the criticism with criticism o repeating your position over and over again
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 Contempt- intention to insult or abuse your partner o passive aggressive behavior (eye rolling, sarcasm, mockery, etc.)  Stonewalling-  o ignoring someone, refusing to listen to complaints, walking away Belligerence  What can you do when you disagree? How do you have an argument? o Being gentler when you raise complaints “softened startup”- don’t just go in and attack use “I” statements take responsibility for your part o Being willing to accept influence being able to listen compassionately o Both people need to help deescalate the argument Study of over 20,000 couples identified the following strengths in their  relationships:
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This note was uploaded on 04/05/2011 for the course FAD 2230 taught by Professor Byno during the Spring '08 term at FSU.

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Notes for Exam 2 - 22:04 doneonwhite,mid

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