Unformatted text preview: Parenting in Zion Parenting in Zion
Guy L. Dorius Brigham Young University Leave off trying to alter your Leave off trying to alter your child just for a little while and concentrate on yourself. The changes must begin with you, not with your children. You can’t continue to do what you have been doing (even though you thought it was right) and expect to unproduce some behavior in your child, when your conduct was one of the things that produced it. Packer (“Families and Fences,” Improvement Era, Dec. 1970, p.106) Boyd K. The Four C’s of Parenting The Four C’s of Parenting
1. Control 2. Connection 3. Conversion 4. Covenants Items Measuring Behavioral Items Measuring Behavioral Control (Monitoring) How much do your parents really know where you go at night? How much do your parents really know where you are most afternoons after school? How much do your parents really know how you spend your money? How much do your parents really know what you do with your free time? How much do your parents really know who your friends are? Items Measuring Firm Control My mother/father believes in having a lot of rules and sticking with them. My mother/father is very strict with me. My mother/father gives me as much freedom as I want. My mother/father lets me do anything I like to do. My mother/father lets me go out any evening I want. My mother/father lets me go any place I please without asking. “Setting limits to what a child can do means to the child that you love and respect him. If you permit the child to do all the things he would like to do without any limits, that means to him that you do not care much about him.”
Spencer W. Kimball ( The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, p.341) First, do not be afraid to set clear moral standards and guidelines. Be sure to say no when it is needed. As Dr. John Rosemond counseled: "[Give] your children regular, daily doses of Vitamin N. This vital nutrient consists simply of the most character building twoletter word in the English language [No]. . . . Unfortunately, many, if not most, of today's children suffer from Vitamin N deficiency. They've been overindulged by wellmeaning parents who've given them far too much of what they want and far too little of what they truly need" (John K. Rosemond, John Rosemond's SixPoint Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children, Kansas City, Mo.: Andrews & McMeel, 1989, p. 114). Joe J. Christensen (Ensign Nov. 1993) Items Measuring Psychological Items Measuring Psychological Control My mother/father tells me of all the things she/he has done for me. My mother/father says, if I really cared for her/him, I would not do things that cause her/him to worry. My mother/ father wants to control whatever I do. My mother/ father will avoid looking at me when I have disappointed her/him. Items Measuring Psychological Items Measuring Psychological Control (continued) My mother/father, if I have hurt her/his feelings, stops talking to me until I please her/him. My mother/father is less friendly with me, if I do not see things her/his way. My mother/father makes me feel better after talking over my worries with her/him. My mother/father smiles at me often. My mother/father is able to make me feel better when I am upset. My mother/father enjoys doing things with me. My mother/father cheers me up when I am sad.
Items Measuring Parental Items Measuring Parental Support (Acceptance) Items Measuring Parental Items Measuring Parental Support (continued) My mother/father gives me a lot of care and attention. My mother/father makes me feel like the most important person in her/his life. My mother/father believes in showing her/his love for me. My mother/father often praises me. My mother/father is easy to talk to. “Jesus lived and taught the virtues of love and kindness and patience. He also taught the virtues of firmness and resoluteness and persistence and courageous indignation. These two sets of virtues seem to clash with each other…,yet both are necessary… “If there were but one, love without discipline, love without deep conviction of right and wrong, without courage to fight the wrong, such love becomes sentimentalism. Conversely, the virtues of righteous indignation without love can be harsh and cruel.” Spencer W. Kimball (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, p.245) “Parents, don’t make the mistake of purposefully intervening to soften or eliminate the natural consequences of your child’s deliberate decisions to violate the commandments. Such acts reinforce false principles, open the door for more serious sin, and lesson the likelihood of repentance.”
(Elder Richard G. Scott, Ensign May 1993.) “ I have a tremendous respect “ for fathers and mothers who are nurturing their children in the light and truth, who spare the rod and govern with love, who look upon their little ones as their most valued assets to be protected, trained, and blessed.” Gordon B. Hinckley, “This Is the Work of the Master,” Ensign, May 1995, 69 I am persuaded that I am persuaded that violent fathers produce violent sons. I am satisfied that such punishment in most instances does more damage than good. Children don’t need beating. They need love and encouragement. They need fathers to whom they can look with respect rather than fear. Above all, they need example. Gordon B. Hinckley, “Save the Children,” Ensign, Nov. 1994, Who are good parents? They are those Who are good parents? They are those who have lovingly, prayerfully, and earnestly tried to teach their children by example and precept “to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.” This is true even though some of their children are disobedient or worldly. Children come into this world with their own distinct spirits and personality traits. Some children “would challenge any set of parents under any set of circumstances. … Perhaps there are others who would bless the lives of, and be a joy to, almost any father or mother.” Successful parents are those who have sacrificed and struggled to do the best they can in their own family circumstances. James E. Faust, “Dear Are the Sheep That Have Wandered,” Ensign, May 2003, 61 The measure of our success as The measure of our success as parents, however, will not rest solely on how our children turn out. That judgment would be just only if we could raise our families in a perfectly moral environment, and that now is not possible. It is not uncommon for responsible parents to lose one of their children, for a time, to influences over which they have no control. They agonize over rebellious sons or daughters. They are puzzled over why they are so helpless when they have tried so hard to do what they should. It is my conviction that those wicked influences one day will be overruled. Boyd K. Packer, “Our Moral Environment,” Ensign, May 1992, 66 “The Prophet Joseph Smith declared —and he never taught a more comforting doctrine—that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God.” (Orson F. Whitney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1929, p. 110.) A principle in this statement that is often A principle in this statement that is often overlooked is that they must fully repent and “suffer for their sins” and “pay their debt to justice.” I recognize that now is the time “to prepare to meet God.” If the repentance of the wayward children does not happen in this life, is it still possible for the cords of the sealing to be strong enough for them yet to work out their repentance? In the Doctrine and Covenants we are told, “The dead who repent will be redeemed, through obedience to the ordinances of the house of God, “And after they have paid the penalty of their transgressions, and are washed clean, shall receive a reward according to their works, for they are heirs of salvation.” James E. Faust, “Dear Are the Sheep That Have Wandered,” Ensign, May 2003, 61 We cannot overemphasize the We cannot overemphasize the value of temple marriage, the binding ties of the sealing ordinance, and the standards of worthiness required of them. When parents keep the covenants they have made at the altar of the temple, their children will be forever bound to them. President Brigham Young said: “Let the father and mother, who are members of this Church and Kingdom, take a righteous course, and strive with all their might never to do a wrong, but to do good all their lives; if they have one child or one hundred children, if they conduct themselves towards them as they should, binding them to the Lord by their faith and prayers, I care not where those children go, they are bound up to their parents by an everlasting tie, and no power of earth or hell can separate them from their parents in eternity; they will return again to the fountain from whence they sprang.” (Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, comp. Bruce R. McConkie, 3 vols., 2:90–91.) Boyd K. Packer, “Our Moral Environment,” Ensign, May 1992, 66 Parents can secure their posterity. Parents can secure their posterity. God has fulfilled His promises to us, and our prospects are grand and glorious. Yes, in the next life we will have our wives, and our sons and daughters. If we do not get them all at once, we will have them some time, for every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus is the Christ. You that are mourning about your children straying away will have your sons and your daughters. If you succeed in passing through these trials and afflictions and receive a resurrection, you will, by the power of the Priesthood, work and labor, as the Son of God has, until you get all your sons and daughters in the path of exaltation and glory. This is just as sure as that the sun rose This is just as sure as that the sun rose this morning over yonder mountains. Therefore, mourn not because all your sons and daughters do not follow in the path that you have marked out to them, or give heed to your counsels. Insasmuch as we succeed in securing eternal glory, and stand as saviors, and as kings and priests to our God, we will save our posterity. (4 November 1893, DW, 47:610.)
(Lorenzo Snow, The Teachings of Lorenzo Snow, edited by Clyde J. Williams [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1984], 195.) ...
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