Chapter 10 psyc 474 (2)

Chapter 10 psyc 474 (2) - Chapter 10 psyc 474 Stresses and...

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Chapter 10 psyc 474 18:11 Stresses and strains This chapter will concentrate on various pitfalls, stumbling blocks, and hazards that cause wear and tear in relationships. Hurt feelings Ostracism Jealousy Lying Betrayal o All of these have a common theme: They suggest that we are nit as well liked or as well respected as we wish we were. Relational evaluation Most of us care deeply about what our intimate partners think of us. According to Mark Leary (2005), it’s painful to perceive that others relational evaluation is lower than we would like it to be . o The degree to which they consider their relationship with us to be valuable, important, or close. Leary suggested that our dealings with others can be arranged along a continuum o (table 10.1) Maximal inclusion others seek us out and go out of their way to interact with us Active inclusion others welcome us but do not seek us out
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Passive inclusion others allow us to be included Ambivalence others do not care whether we are included or not Passive exclusion others ignore us but do not avoid us Active exclusion others avoid us, tolerating our presence only when necessary Maximal exclusion other banish us, sending us away, or abandoning us Our emotional reactions to such experiences depend on how much we want to be accepted by others, and just what their acceptance or rejection of us mean. Exclusion is much more painful when we want to be accepted by others than when we don’t much care what they think of us. We feel hurt when the relational evaluations we perceive from others are lower than we wish they were. Hurt feelings The feelings of acceptance or rejection we experience in our dealings with others are related to their evaluations of us in a complex way: maximal exclusion doesn’t feel much worse than ambivalence. o Once we find that others don’t want us around, it hardly matters whether they dislike us a little or a lot: Our momentary judgments or our self-worth bottom out when ppl reject us to any extent o Increases in any rejection we encounter from others may have a greater impact, particularly when they occur in that range b/w ambivalence and active inclusion When ppl who like us once appear to like us less mow When it comes to acceptance, being completely adores doesn’t improve our self-esteem beyond the boost we get from being very-well liked. Instead, we appear to be more sensitive to small differences in regard from others that range from ambivalence at the low end to active inclusion at the high end. o As ppl like us more and more, we feel better and better about ourselves until their positive regard for us is fully assured It’s especially awful to experience relational devaluation and it causes a variety of unhappy emotions. o
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This note was uploaded on 04/21/2011 for the course PSYC 474 taught by Professor Lydon during the Winter '08 term at McGill.

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Chapter 10 psyc 474 (2) - Chapter 10 psyc 474 Stresses and...

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