chapter 11 psych 474 (1)

chapter 11 psych 474 (1) - Chapter 11 Conflict the more...

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Chapter 11 Conflict - the more interdependent they are-the more time they spend together and the wider the variety of activities and tasks they try to coordinate-the more likely occasional conflict becomes - over time, the manner in which two partners manage their conflicts may either enhance or erode their love and regard for each other The nature of conflict What is conflict? - interpersonal conflict: occurs whenever one person’s motives, goals, beliefs, opinions or behaviour interfere with, or are incompatible with, those of another - conflict is born of dissimilarity, which may be passing in the form of mood, or lasting in the form of beliefs and personality - conflict is avoided when each is able to do as they wish but cannot be avoided when one or both of them have to give up something that they want because of the other’s influence - not all conflicts are overt - conflict is inescapable for two reasons 1) any two people will occasionally differ in their moods and preferences 2) there are certain tensions that are woven into the fabric of close relationships that will, sooner or later, always cause some strain When people devote themselves to an intimate relationship, people often experience opposing motivations called dialectics that can never be entirely satisfied because they contradict each other; occasional conflict between their predominant individual motives is inescapable dialectics: 1)continual tension between personal autonomy and connection to others; people’s preferences swing back and forth as they come to be more influences by whichever motive has lately been less fulfilled and the average strength for each motive will vary from person to person hence the conflict 2) tension between openness and closedness 3) tension between stability and change 4) tension between integration and separation from others outside one’s partnership These four dialectics accounted for a third of all the recent arguments in married couples; what’s important is that these tensions typically continue to some degree throughout the entire life of a relationship The frequency of conflict - answer varies with the population studies and the way in which conflict is defined and assessed - between parent and four year old: every 3.6 minutes At the dinner table: 3.3 disputed per meal Adolescents: 7 per day Dating couples: 2.3 conflicts per week Spouses: 1 or 2 unpleasant disagreements each month - many conflicts are never addressed - there are a variety of influences that are correlated with the amount of conflict we encounter; 1) personality: high in neuroticism ; impulsive and irascible, and have more unhappy disagreements with others
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High in agreeableness: good natured, cooperative, and generally easy to get along with, experience fewer conflicts because they compromise easily, if conflict occurs they react more constructively 2) attachment style: anxious attachment: think that there is more conflict because afraid partner will leave them and when conflict does occur, they consider it to be more damaging, perceive
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chapter 11 psych 474 (1) - Chapter 11 Conflict the more...

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