Ch8-11ClassNotes

Ch8-11ClassNotes - Chapter8Relationships&Communication

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Communication Key to relationship longevity or termination Functions: o Learn needs o Promote intimacy o Resolve conflict Barriers: o Fear of response o Not knowing where to start o Sex is hard to talk about Pressure for men Not ladylike for women o Sex Differences: What not to do… Gottman’s destructive tactics: o Criticism o Contempt – blatant disrespect  o Defensiveness
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o Stonewalling – checked out (okay, mhmm, alright) o Belligerence – nastiness What you should do…. Talk about talking Listen o Active listening To make eye contact, show that you’re engaged Ask a question, respond o Paraphrase Restate what they said o Validate feelings Don’t have to agree but show you understand Learn about needs o Yes/no questions o Open-ended questions o Either/or questions o Avoid why o What or how Provide Information o Accentuate positive o Be specific
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o Let partner know what they’re doing right o Nonverbal Petting  Guiding Signaling Making Requests o Be specific o “I talk” versus “you” Delivering Criticism o Determine function of criticism o Buffer with praise o “I” language o avoid attacking personality o pinpoint behavior o point out the good things and then deliver the bad Receiving Criticism o Slow down o Knee jerk response is retaliation o Ask for clarification o Admit fault o Work together toward solution Negotiation o Give and take o Working together Impasses o Take partner’s perspective o Agree to disagree o Acceptance o Don’t have to solve every problem o Put aside to discuss later
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Chapter 9 – Sexual Behaviors 16:42 Chapter 9 – Sexual Behaviors
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Chapter 9 – Sexual Behaviors 16:42 Celibacy Complete: o Does not engage in masturbation or interpersonal sexual contact Partial: o Does not engage in interpersonal sexual contact, but masturbates Influences: o Religion, morals, past experiences, health Masturbation Sexual self stimulation Treatment for “Hysteria” at one time o Doctors or midwives stimulated an orgasm for women to cure it Why masturbate? o Relax, relieve tension, no partner Historical Views o Sinful o Dangerous o Led to male/male interaction (Ellis) o Sexual impulses need to be controlled Dr. J.H. Kellogg – 39 signs of masturbation Masturbation Techniques
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Chapter 9 – Sexual Behaviors 16:42 Male o Stimulate shaft up and sown o Gentle to rigorous o Speed variation o Lube o Some rub against cloth o Fantasy, porn Women o Massage mons labia, clitoral area o Circular motion o Stroke clitoral shaft o Few women penetrate
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Ch8-11ClassNotes - Chapter8Relationships&Communication

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