Revision-Practice - When reading Andys paper about the...

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Unformatted text preview: When reading Andys paper about the movie The Dark Knight I found a number of mistakes and areas that I believe he could have improved upon in his writing. Let me say outright I enjoyed the movie. In the second paragraph, he joins far too many ideas together with commas instead of using periods to break up his thoughts into separate sentences. Similarly, in the third paragraph he lists all the actors involved in the film without pause. I think he also missed an opportunity here as I would have liked to have heard about the character each actor portrayed and how well they performed in doing so. This is something I would have liked to read about when finding out about the movie and would of improved his paper. I also believe that Andy could have improved upon his conclusion paragraph which has only two sentences one a mere four words long. A good conclusion should sum up all the information that came before a mere four words long....
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Revision-Practice - When reading Andys paper about the...

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